Thursday, September 13, 2007

Drama Prospectus Autumn 2007

We were thinking about doing after the fact reviews of the summer 2007 drama season but a) we don't feel like watching all the shit that's playing on tv right now and b) it's always a lot more fun to make fun of shows that we don't really have an idea of what they're about. Without further ado we give you...

~Drama Prospectus Autumn 2007~

Tantei Galileo (Detective Galileo)
Begins: 10/15
Who's in it: Fukuyama Masaharu, Shibasaki Kou
Synopsis: In "Tantei Galileo," Fukuyama plays a brilliant but eccentric physicist who solves difficult mysteries. He teams up with a rookie detective (played by Kou Shibasaki), whose personality is the complete opposite of his.
Translation: "Bill Nye the Science Guy solving mysteries...with a downtempo acoustic opening theme song."
Yao: It's like every time you get into the top ten An An rankings some Fuji TV exec materializes out of thin air and gives you a starring role in some drama
Veronica: His name isn't really gonna be Galileo, right? I don't know, I think he's sexy. I've never seen him act before-- I hope he's funny. And wear glasses, as that's sexy too. Watch out for Shibasaki Kou's eternal Death Stare! She looks like a fucking demon.

Abarenbo Mama (Rowdy Mama)
Begins: 10/16
Who's in it: Ueto Aya, Oizumi Yo
Synopsis: The comical home drama stars Ueto as the strong-minded Ayu, who has just married a divorced man (Yo Oizumi), despite a 12-year age difference and contrasting backgrounds (she grew up by the sea while he was raised in the city), as well as a 5-year-old son from his first marriage. While Ayu and her husband have their disagreements at home, she also gets in arguments with people outside the house, such as the other mothers at her son's kindergarten.
Translation: "Why didn't you guys watch Hotelier? It's okay though, we've given Ueto Aya another chance to burrow her way into your 15-30 year old hearts."
Yao: Ugh, I'm annoyed already and all I've done is copy & paste the synopsis.
Veronica: Ueto Aya always plays the same stupid character, just with new counterparts to piss off. I want to know who the hell her fans are.

Swan no Baka (Stupid Swan)
Begins: 10/16
Who's in it: Narimiya Hiroki, Kamikawa Takaya
Synopsis: Kamikawa takes the lead as Daisuke Suwano, a 40-year-old salaryman married to former co-worker Masumi (Misako Tanaka). Because his daughter is taking entrance exams, Daisuke is forced to live on only 30,000 yen a month. Hiroki Narimiya plays Kawase, an IT company manager who works in the same building as Suwano's office, while Hitori Gekidan plays a deputy manager of the building's cafe.
Translation: watatatatata
Yao: This is the type of drama that my dad watches before falling asleep 15 minutes into the episode. I can't hate on it though, look at that beautiful swan spreading it's wings like a majestic emperor.
Veronica: Wait, so what is this about? I've read the synopsis eight times and I still don't get it (and don't care).

Yukan Club (Leisure Society)
Begins: 10/16
Who's in it: Akanishi Jin, Yokoyama Yuu, Taguchi Junnosuke, Suzuki Emi
Synopsis: The story is a comedy revolving around six wealthy and popular high school students who solve mysteries and in their free time, amuse themselves lavishly. Akanishi plays Miroku Shochikubai, the son of the police commissioner.
Translation: "THE, LIKE, YOUNG HOT TEEN DRAMA OF THE SEASON!!11 ~*~and~*~ hay guyz new kattun single!!!"
Yao: Why the fuck is everyone solving mysteries this season? I can't hate on anything Yoko is in unless it's extremely boring, and Yukan Club is my early 80s shojo comic jam.
Veronica: This should be better than Yoko's last snore of a drama, and he better work it out and be hilarious, because I am not the type of woman who just up and spends an hour a week on two members of KAT-TUN.

Hataraki-man (Working Man)
Begins: 10/10
Who's in it: Kanno Miho, Hayami Mocomichi
Synopsis: The story revolves around Hiroko Matsukata, an editor of a weekly magazine. Hiroko is so focused on her work that she has no time for romance, and others refer to her by the nickname "hataraki man" ("working man").
Translation: "Juicy OL drama of the season."
Yao: I love anything penned by Moyoko Anno. Also, I feel like this is going to be the drama Veronica and I are going to watch every weekend over kettlecorn and orange fanta.
Veronica: Well it's more like cheez balls and Smirnoff Ice, but whatever, I agree. I'm really happy That Ugly Guy isn't in it so I can enjoy it to its fullest.

Joshi Deka (Mrs. Detective)
Begins: 10/18
Who's in it: Nakama Yukie,
Synopsis: Nakama plays an enthusiastic rookie cop whose only strong point is her marksmanship, while Izumi plays a veteran detective with the #1 arrest rate. The two work together to solve crimes, despite differences in their ways of thinking.
Translation: "The softer, washer-friendly chick version of the first half hour of Law&Order."
Yao: Wahhhhhhgt.
Veronica: Double Wahhhhhhgnt.

Utahime (Diva)
Begins: 10/12
Who's in it: Nagase Tomoya, Okura Tadayoshi, Sato Ryuta, Aibu Saki, Saito Yuki, Judy Ong
Synopsis: Nagase plays a fist-fight-loving transient who has lost all memory of his memories because of the war. Set in the post-war 1950's in Kochi prefecture, this drama will be a comedy as well as a 'sad love story' and will be full of 'local flavor.' - My own translation because Dramawiki's was crap.
Translation: More shirtless Nagase fights!!!
Yao: Hands down my Most Anticipated Drama of the season. I mean anything that has Nagase beating the shit out of people as well as old idols can't be all that bad.
Veronica: Wait, so does he play the diva? I'm predicting a Best Lead Actor win for Nagase Tomoya for this one, and I'm not just saying this because I want to be his love slave. Japanese people love the shit out of post-war Ganbare! folktales almost as much as they love the shit out of 'sad love stories'. (That means someone dies, btw.) Nagase's really come into his own as an actor as well-- you know you were misty at the end of My Boss My Hero!

Mop Girl
Begins: October
Who's in it: Kitagawa Keiko, Tanihara Shosuke
Synopsis: Kitagawa plays the part of the slow but hardworking Momoko, a low-ranking employee at a funeral services company who carries a mop as part of her job. However, Momoko happens to possess a strange ability. Whenever she comes across the corpse of someone who has left strong feelings behind, she travels back in time to save that person from his or her fate.
Translation: WITCHERY!
Yao: You know, ever since Docomo came out with those 2.0 ads, I've always wondered whose dick she had to suck to become a poster girl. I mean Anna Tsuchiya just did Sakuran, Aoi Yu is my BFF, stupid looking girl was just recently in a Matsujun drama, and the rest of the menz are all quite well established. But KitaKei? All she really has on her resume is the role of Hot Asian Chick in Tokyo Drift and Sailor Mars (lolll). But I stand corrected as now she's going to join the ranks of Kanno Miho and Nakama Yukie and star in her very own Tanimura Shosuke drama.
Veronica: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 'Mop Girl'. Oh also, this is shadily like the premise to the upcoming ABC hit Pushing Daisies.

Dream Again
Begins: 10/13
Who's in it: Sorimachi Takashi, Kato Ai, Shida Mirai
Synopsis: Shunsuke is a former pro baseball player who dreams of returning to the sport. An unfortunate accident gets him killed, but God lends him someone else's body so that he can realize his dream of playing baseball again
Yao: When am I going to see his Genghis Khan movie?!
Veronica: Oh my God, I fucking love baseball dramas. Which is weird, because I fucking hate baseball.

SP [Security Police]
Begins: 11/3
Who's in it: Okada Junichi
Synopsis: Okada plays Kaoru Inoue, a member of a police escort division. Ever since losing his parents at a young age, he has possessed heightened senses and a photographic memory. He also has other skills, such as analyzing footprints. His boss is being played by Shinichi Tsutsumi.
Translation: Law&Order: Criminal Intent with hotter men
Yao: I hope he has to go undercover somewhere where he needs to quick change from a tux into a diving suit.
Veronica: When I first saw the title, I thought this was about rent-a-cops. I figured a comedy about like, mall security wouldn't be that bad. But its just another cop show in a season full of cop shows. Are crime rates up or something? I'll watch it because I'm hoping Okada can see ghosts or something in it.

Hatachi no Koibito (20-year-old lover)
Begins: 10/14
Who's in it: NagaMi, Sanma, Tsukamoto Takashi, Koizumi Kyoko
Synopsis: The story is described as a romantic comedy between the middle-aged Akashiya and the 20-year-old Nagasawa.
Translation: We had a couple of scenes left over from Joudan Ja Nai!
Yao: Wait, didn't you just get married to an older man last season? Also, she's been picked by Kudo Kankuro for his special, which I'm going to have to watch because he's amazing.
Veronica: Drama writers, here's a little tip for you-- every time you do this whole robbing the cradle thing, it gets a little less scandalous. The only name in these paragraphs I care about is Kudokan, and he has nothing to do with the drama.


Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Why do they even make these lists anymore?

An An Top 30 Men: Why do they even make these lists anymore?

Women's jinterest (that was a typo but i think its sort of apt) magazine An An has released its yearly ranking of male celebrities this week, and of course the results are virtually the same as last year! Compiled from reader surveys, the list tracks the hottest and most popular actors, musicians and public figures in Japan.
This year the coveted #1 spot is taken by--wait for it...wait for it-- Kimura Takuya of SMAP, for the 7th year in a row! Since Kimura is only like 32 right now anyhow, we're looking at at least 45 more years of him winning this poll provided something horrible doesn't happen. But it won't, because he's a golden god with perfect hair, sent from heaven to ride motorcycles and surf into the sunset while carrying his baby daughters under each arm. Don't act like you wouldn't marry him if you had a chance in hell.

But i digress! Rounding out the top 5 are:

#2 Fukuyama Masaharu
See, yao! I told you there was something about him! He's sexy in a strange, crooked-teeth way!

#3 Nakai Masahiro
Listen, I don't know, maybe only old ladies read this magazine. But he has a high profile girlfriend. And also he's the highest paid celebrity in Japan. and also he's hilarious. I change my mind, I would totally hit it.

#4 okada junnichi
Um duh. He's got the ass of a dior model. OM NOM NOM

#5 Matsumoto Jun
Creepy, yet alluring!

The rest of the list is as follows. Personally, Odagiri Joe's slide down the ranking is a tragedy.

6 katori shingo
7 tsumabuki satoshi
8 akanishi jin
9 inagaki goro
10 kamenashi kazuya
11 kusanagi tsuyoshi
12 tackey (dude i totally do not remember tackey's real name anymore. what does that say about tackey's popularity?)
13 odagiri joe
14 yamapi
15 domoto koichi
16 nagase tomoya (jin, kame, and yamapi higher than my husband? fuck japan, i will kill them.)
17 hayami mocomichi
18 ninomiya kazunari (this is unexpected, as he is weird looking.)
19 oguri shun
20 sakaguchi kenji. (yao wanted me to make a joke about how his official website pictures him holding injured black children but...dude, that is the joke. what a prick!)
21 sakurai sho
22 nishikido ryo
23 koike teppei
24 tamaki hiroshi (one time i had a dream i fucked him till he wanted to die. of pleasure.)
25 domoto tsuyoshi (i'm surprised he is this high, because people never appreciate true genius!)
26 eita
27 okura tadayoshi(is he really famous? i put this bitch on the map!)
28 narimiya hiroki
29 matsuda shota
30 koide keisuke (this guy must be ugly because i don't know who is he. just saying.)

In other news, the magazine also ranked the top 3 most hated guys in entertainment. #1 this year is some comedian dude named Egashira 2:50. Apparently Japan wants him to die in a fire, but after reading his wikipedia, he's kind of our hero. Motherfucker showed his penis in public to Muslims. You can never say we're too vulgar now!

the other losers:
#2 Yamasato Ryota of Nankai Candies (oh.)
#3 Mino Monta (then why is he EVERYWHERE ALL THE FUCKING TIME?)

editor's note: this entry was written completely on my sidekick3 as i have no internet right now. this is how devoted i am to you! did you know can send me emails on it and i'll reply to them? if you ever need advice on your love life, financial situations, work problems, diet (lol), i'm here to help! i may even post it here in an Ask V-ron column! go for it.

my thumbs hurt. :(

editor's note 2: entry slightly edited by me (yao) except that I got tired.

Monday, September 10, 2007

je 8

~Johnny Gossip 6~
Who's Doing Who Edition

  • Koyama Keiichiro of NEWS speedily broke it off with Uno Misako of AAA (right) only to be spotted in his "love BMW" on a late night drive with
Hasebe Yu of DRM (left). Can we be completely honest here? They both look exactly the same. I'm sure he just made an honest mistake one night in a dark club when he was drunk.
  • Kame is supposedly still having 'playdates' with former 80's pop idol Koizumi Kyoko. They were recently spotted in Kyoto's Gion district watching Kabuki. I have a feeling this is her idea as Kame is probably more of a Disney on Ice type.
  • Hey! Say! 7's Arioka Daiki and J.J. Express' Kamei Taku went on a Tokyo Disney Land double date with Hinoi Asuka and Koyama Hikaru of HINOI TEAM(omfg NIGGGHT OF FIRE), respectively. I guess you move your way up the HINOI TEAM ladder as you move up the Johnny ladder? There's no link for the jj express guy because clearly no one likes him on the internet. Except for these people, who arguably like him too much.
  • Kis-My-Ft.2's (what?) Tamamori Yuta's 'first time' apparently was 'bloody.' GRODY.
  • Hey! Say! 7's Yamada Ryosuke is supposedly an otaku. This is probably not true because everybody knows that your love of 2-D women is inversely proportional to love you receive from actual women. Not that I'm defending him; he totally looks like the kid that gets dumped in the trash can on Freshman Fridays.
  • Arashi's Sakurai Sho is reportedly having a 'serious relationship' with a certain successful CEO in her 30s. Hot.
Well there you have it, all the latest of who's doing what to whom.


Saturday, September 08, 2007

Kago Ai, ex-Morning Musume, reportedly was working part time at a bakery in a shopping plaza in her hometown in Nara Prefecture. Actually, it seems like she's taking singing and dancing lessons somewhere in New York.
We don't really care where she is or what she's doing because we have these wonderfully grody pictures of her.



It's been a lonely, gossip-deprived two months for you all, and we apologize--but behold our brand new website! New layout, new articles (in like an hour, idk we're still writing them), new pictures, new juicy shit we know you've been craving. You can thank us by posting in the forums and clicking those ad links you see everywhere. What have we been up to these past two months? To be honest, most of it has to do with alcohol. Now that Yao's back in the USA, we can post more stuff more often, and get it from super secret Japanese sources, so make sure you check in, and check in often. Cho Scandalous turns one year old on October 18th; stay tuned and maybe something awesome will happen!

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