Tuesday, March 27, 2007

{Yao} Throw some D's on that bitch!

Oh hello ladies and gents. You thought I was Lost in Asia but I finally have a semi-permanent address in Japan and will be bringing you the latest gossip NOW WITH HQ (as in, I tried my best with photoshop and a digicam) PICTURES.

Because I'm supposed to be writing a 50 page academic essay I natrually am not so here's a post:

    The popular SEVENTEEN model cum actress Suzuki Emi has been up to some Johnny's banging - but not the regular type of Johnny's banging, no folks, this type of banging includes consequences.
    Okay, so when I say consequences I mean STDs...or STIs or whatever the hell they're called now.

    "The models at that time were really obvious about their relationships. They mostly dated Johnny's talents, and Suzuki Emi often went out on go-cons. And it may be surprising, but no one really seemed to care about STDs. Comments like, "I got another STD, oops" would often be heard in conversations. Suzuki Emi was called a "Johnny Eater" even amongst (the models who often dated Johnnys)." - A Seventeen Model, quoted from Naispo

    The article doesn't say which Johnnys but let's just safely assume it's everybody, especially the JE member you're most ~*~in love with~*~
    But anyway, I guess the reason why Suzuki Emi is able to keep her anorexically skinny figure is because she's banging yr fvrt Johnny right now as we speak and giving him chlamydia that she got from that Kitayama guy.

    Somebody please take Suzuki Emi's head and paste it on that animated gif of crabs coming out of Paris Hilton's crotch.


    Hay guys you should go to the forums and tell me who you think has STDs in JE

    When Japanese people label things 'dangerous' (raw fish, gaijin, jaywalking, running in hallways, etc) they actually just mean 'delicious.' Here are some names you might be called if you were these following celebs:

    Nakatani Miki: Always with some different girl in some sports club in Aoyama, linking arms and looking shady. W/e do your thing, as long as you're not having sex in public bathrooms during business hours.

    Mean Girls
    Ueto Aya: Rumor has it that she kicked out her costar, Takahashi Mariko, from the set of Attention Please! What can I say, bitches get stitches.
    Sawajiri Erika: Do I even need to explain this? Well let me at least update you on her latest antics. She was supposed to appear with her 'teammate' Saeco on the variety show "Aidoru Michi," but she kicked her out of the show because of an apparent tussle over a ~*~man~*~.
    Morning Musume: Ex-MM member from the first round Fukada Asuka said that she was repeatedly ignored by the other 4 members. Wahght, w/e, if I were a MM member and I hated some bitch in my group I'd just replace her shampoo with Nair and also steal her boyfriend. If I were in showbiz all these articles would be about me and not Sawaeri.

    Bad B.O.
    Yonekura Ryoko: Apparently her B.O. is so bad that she only wears each article of clothing once. Damn that must suck if this were true because what are you going to do when you have to go to somehwere classy and need something over $6000?
    Also Kimutaku is apparently famous for bad BO.

    Ex-Yankee (Note: yes, this is bad if you're Japanese)
    Nakashima Mika: Used to fight, extort money, steal etc. I mean look at her, she's obv possessed by the devil and had that awful reggae period. She totally screams "I have several knives hidden in my clothing." Yuka and Suzuki Sarina also probably ex-yankees.

    Uehara Takako: No wai!!! Rumors are that she's still banging Jin and that she's also a nympho.

    Plastic Surgery
    Nagasawa Masami, Ito Misaki, Ebi-chan, Hamasaki Ayumi, Kuraki Mai, Hitomi etc. aka everybody beautiful plus the obvious plastic surgery addict Ayu. If this is true, I want Hitomi's plastic surgery because she's the most gorgeous imo.

    Breast Implants!
    Hoshino Aki, Goto Maki, Kumada Youko. None of y'all bitches have real titties!


    Anonymous said...

    Errr sorry but what's a B.O?

    cho scandalous! said...

    Urban Dictionary is going to be your new best friend.

    Anonymous said...

    matsumoto jun dating keiko kitagawa...true or false?
    cho scandalous, we need you!<3

    girasol said...

    can't get enough of this blog :D
    keep updating <33

    Anonymous said...

    I don't know about Kumada Youko's boobs. They could be real seeing as she was a cow in her middle/high school days.

    Gotta love all the gossip<3


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