Tuesday, October 30, 2007

METHHHHH



Akasaka Akira a.k.a. the weirder looking one of the two Hikaru Genji members left is apparently a total methhead. "He was found with a gram of methamphetamine stimulant drugs in the early hours of Sunday morning when stopped by police on the street in Tokyo's Toshima Ward." Ahahahaha, can we all just picture him leaning out of the window of the drivers side with bloodshot eyes all like "but officer, I thought that was rock candy." And to add insult to injury Johnny's fired his ass on Monday.

HAY GUYS IT ALL MAKES SO MUCH SENSE.

Look at this picture.

and then look at these pictures

BEFORE


AFTER



Let's start placing bets on how long it will be before Atsuhiro drops out because of some drug scandal. You know they're all doing coke.

source

Catching up with Sawajiri Erika

It's been awhile since we updated the masses on the adventures of Sawajiri Erika, Japan's most famous bitch. It looks like Snaggletooth has been quite busy in the past month or so. Let's run down some of the things we've heard about her in passing:

  • 10/02/07- Weekly Asahi reports that a completely obliterated Sawajiri and 4 male members of her staff made an appearance at a Tokyo gay club. According to the weekly tabloid, she then proceeded to do a "wild" table dance, causing her slinky dress to reveal her booooobies. Her management of course denies the allegations of drinking and debauchery, but come on, would we really put it past her?

  • 10/05/07- Issued a formal apology on her website regarding her toootally cunty antics at Closed Note PR events throughout Tokyo. Wada Akiko shames her on TV and the media brands the young starlet the "Japanese Paris Hilton". Ouch. Says Sawajiri's statement, "“It’s all my fault, and I must take responsibility for my actions. I really apologize for disappointing my fans and betraying their trust. As a professional actress, my actions were not appropriate. I promise to learn from this experience.” She also mentions that she let her private life interfere with her work, but her attitude had nothing to do with the film or any of its cast or crew. Sounds like a publicity stunt to us, as the shenanigans launched Closed Note to the number 3 box office spot on its opening week.





  • A recent issue of Asahi's FLASH magazine slams the notorious diva with details of a recent SPA! interview where she not only greeted her interviewer with only a "Good Morning" in passing (omg), but made spoiled demands for water and AC throughout the interview. In a poll conducted by FLASH, it is revealed that 62.7 percent of people polled in Japan "dislike or hate" Sawajiri. That about matches up to opinion polls for Paris Hilton's popularity in the States. Says a FLASH idol critic (how can we get this job?), "She is cheeky, often late and shows bad manners during speeches or interviews, but the world of show business would be boring without her.” The man has a point.

  • 10/16/07- Sawajiri is named one of Oricon's Top Fashion Leaders despite the bad press she has recieved earlier in the month.

  • 10/18/07- The latest issue of tabloid Josei Seven uncovers pictures of Erika holding hands on a date with Takashiro Tsuyoshi, a 43 year old "hypermedia creator". He looks like a demon rapist and there is clearly no such job as "hypermedia creator".



  • 10/20/07- Sawajiri is rumored to lose her lucrative Subaru contract after being outed as a catty twat. Subaru maintains that her adverts stopped airing as a result of the campaign being over. Yeah right, you guys also told us Global Warming didn't exist. Other rumors contend Erika is going to live in a nunnery for a period of time (the Japanese version of "Rehab"?) and that she will marry her lecherous boyfriend and retire to the United States.

  • 10/25/07- Sawajiri sits for a photoshoot with Ninagawa Mika for Sabra magazine. We like to call this look "Lady Marmalade". Hey Sister, Soul Sister...Creole Lady Marmaladeeedededede!



Saturday, October 27, 2007

Your videos of the day




Yao found this gem on Visual Fucks tonight and we felt we owed it to the world to show this to you. There's like some crazy serial killer like 38 seconds again who lurks in the shadows. What's up with that?

We started clicking on the related videos links and it turns out VISUAL FANS ARE CRAZY.





I HIDE IN THE DARKNESS

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Comment Links Fixed!

I fixed this thing so you can comment on the main entries. We must have baleeted it when we redesigned the site. Not that there was anything you can comment on now because all the entries are old as shit. I was actually going to make a post today, and right before I pressed "Publish!" I noticed all of my information that Yao translated was from January 2005. So that's out. Ugh, fuck it, I'm going to take a nap. Bye, babies.

----------------
Now playing: Christopher Cross - Sailing

Monday, October 01, 2007

No translation needed for Sawaeri's extreme bitchiness during a promo event for her new movie "Closed Note." Just sit back and watch her answer every question with one-liners.





I love how they try to explain away her curtness by telling the audience that she's been to over 100 PR events and therefore was tired. K w/e.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Drama Prospectus Autumn 2007

We were thinking about doing after the fact reviews of the summer 2007 drama season but a) we don't feel like watching all the shit that's playing on tv right now and b) it's always a lot more fun to make fun of shows that we don't really have an idea of what they're about. Without further ado we give you...

~Drama Prospectus Autumn 2007~

Tantei Galileo (Detective Galileo)
Begins: 10/15
Who's in it: Fukuyama Masaharu, Shibasaki Kou
Synopsis: In "Tantei Galileo," Fukuyama plays a brilliant but eccentric physicist who solves difficult mysteries. He teams up with a rookie detective (played by Kou Shibasaki), whose personality is the complete opposite of his.
Translation: "Bill Nye the Science Guy solving mysteries...with a downtempo acoustic opening theme song."
Yao: It's like every time you get into the top ten An An rankings some Fuji TV exec materializes out of thin air and gives you a starring role in some drama
Veronica: His name isn't really gonna be Galileo, right? I don't know, I think he's sexy. I've never seen him act before-- I hope he's funny. And wear glasses, as that's sexy too. Watch out for Shibasaki Kou's eternal Death Stare! She looks like a fucking demon.


Abarenbo Mama (Rowdy Mama)
Begins: 10/16
Who's in it: Ueto Aya, Oizumi Yo
Synopsis: The comical home drama stars Ueto as the strong-minded Ayu, who has just married a divorced man (Yo Oizumi), despite a 12-year age difference and contrasting backgrounds (she grew up by the sea while he was raised in the city), as well as a 5-year-old son from his first marriage. While Ayu and her husband have their disagreements at home, she also gets in arguments with people outside the house, such as the other mothers at her son's kindergarten.
Translation: "Why didn't you guys watch Hotelier? It's okay though, we've given Ueto Aya another chance to burrow her way into your 15-30 year old hearts."
Yao: Ugh, I'm annoyed already and all I've done is copy & paste the synopsis.
Veronica: Ueto Aya always plays the same stupid character, just with new counterparts to piss off. I want to know who the hell her fans are.



Swan no Baka (Stupid Swan)
Begins: 10/16
Who's in it: Narimiya Hiroki, Kamikawa Takaya
Synopsis: Kamikawa takes the lead as Daisuke Suwano, a 40-year-old salaryman married to former co-worker Masumi (Misako Tanaka). Because his daughter is taking entrance exams, Daisuke is forced to live on only 30,000 yen a month. Hiroki Narimiya plays Kawase, an IT company manager who works in the same building as Suwano's office, while Hitori Gekidan plays a deputy manager of the building's cafe.
Translation: watatatatata
Yao: This is the type of drama that my dad watches before falling asleep 15 minutes into the episode. I can't hate on it though, look at that beautiful swan spreading it's wings like a majestic emperor.
Veronica: Wait, so what is this about? I've read the synopsis eight times and I still don't get it (and don't care).

Yukan Club (Leisure Society)
Begins: 10/16
Who's in it: Akanishi Jin, Yokoyama Yuu, Taguchi Junnosuke, Suzuki Emi
Synopsis: The story is a comedy revolving around six wealthy and popular high school students who solve mysteries and in their free time, amuse themselves lavishly. Akanishi plays Miroku Shochikubai, the son of the police commissioner.
Translation: "THE, LIKE, YOUNG HOT TEEN DRAMA OF THE SEASON!!11 ~*~and~*~ hay guyz new kattun single!!!"
Yao: Why the fuck is everyone solving mysteries this season? I can't hate on anything Yoko is in unless it's extremely boring, and Yukan Club is my early 80s shojo comic jam.
Veronica: This should be better than Yoko's last snore of a drama, and he better work it out and be hilarious, because I am not the type of woman who just up and spends an hour a week on two members of KAT-TUN.


Hataraki-man (Working Man)
Begins: 10/10
Who's in it: Kanno Miho, Hayami Mocomichi
Synopsis: The story revolves around Hiroko Matsukata, an editor of a weekly magazine. Hiroko is so focused on her work that she has no time for romance, and others refer to her by the nickname "hataraki man" ("working man").
Translation: "Juicy OL drama of the season."
Yao: I love anything penned by Moyoko Anno. Also, I feel like this is going to be the drama Veronica and I are going to watch every weekend over kettlecorn and orange fanta.
Veronica: Well it's more like cheez balls and Smirnoff Ice, but whatever, I agree. I'm really happy That Ugly Guy isn't in it so I can enjoy it to its fullest.


Joshi Deka (Mrs. Detective)
Begins: 10/18
Who's in it: Nakama Yukie,
Synopsis: Nakama plays an enthusiastic rookie cop whose only strong point is her marksmanship, while Izumi plays a veteran detective with the #1 arrest rate. The two work together to solve crimes, despite differences in their ways of thinking.
Translation: "The softer, washer-friendly chick version of the first half hour of Law&Order."
Yao: Wahhhhhhgt.
Veronica: Double Wahhhhhhgnt.

Utahime (Diva)
Begins: 10/12
Who's in it: Nagase Tomoya, Okura Tadayoshi, Sato Ryuta, Aibu Saki, Saito Yuki, Judy Ong
Synopsis: Nagase plays a fist-fight-loving transient who has lost all memory of his memories because of the war. Set in the post-war 1950's in Kochi prefecture, this drama will be a comedy as well as a 'sad love story' and will be full of 'local flavor.' - My own translation because Dramawiki's was crap.
Translation: More shirtless Nagase fights!!!
Yao: Hands down my Most Anticipated Drama of the season. I mean anything that has Nagase beating the shit out of people as well as old idols can't be all that bad.
Veronica: Wait, so does he play the diva? I'm predicting a Best Lead Actor win for Nagase Tomoya for this one, and I'm not just saying this because I want to be his love slave. Japanese people love the shit out of post-war Ganbare! folktales almost as much as they love the shit out of 'sad love stories'. (That means someone dies, btw.) Nagase's really come into his own as an actor as well-- you know you were misty at the end of My Boss My Hero!

Mop Girl
Begins: October
Who's in it: Kitagawa Keiko, Tanihara Shosuke
Synopsis: Kitagawa plays the part of the slow but hardworking Momoko, a low-ranking employee at a funeral services company who carries a mop as part of her job. However, Momoko happens to possess a strange ability. Whenever she comes across the corpse of someone who has left strong feelings behind, she travels back in time to save that person from his or her fate.
Translation: WITCHERY!
Yao: You know, ever since Docomo came out with those 2.0 ads, I've always wondered whose dick she had to suck to become a poster girl. I mean Anna Tsuchiya just did Sakuran, Aoi Yu is my BFF, stupid looking girl was just recently in a Matsujun drama, and the rest of the menz are all quite well established. But KitaKei? All she really has on her resume is the role of Hot Asian Chick in Tokyo Drift and Sailor Mars (lolll). But I stand corrected as now she's going to join the ranks of Kanno Miho and Nakama Yukie and star in her very own Tanimura Shosuke drama.
Veronica: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 'Mop Girl'. Oh also, this is shadily like the premise to the upcoming ABC hit Pushing Daisies.

Dream Again
Begins: 10/13
Who's in it: Sorimachi Takashi, Kato Ai, Shida Mirai
Synopsis: Shunsuke is a former pro baseball player who dreams of returning to the sport. An unfortunate accident gets him killed, but God lends him someone else's body so that he can realize his dream of playing baseball again
Translation: GOD LOVES SORIMACHI TAKASHI TOO
Yao: When am I going to see his Genghis Khan movie?!
Veronica: Oh my God, I fucking love baseball dramas. Which is weird, because I fucking hate baseball.

SP [Security Police]
Begins: 11/3
Who's in it: Okada Junichi
Synopsis: Okada plays Kaoru Inoue, a member of a police escort division. Ever since losing his parents at a young age, he has possessed heightened senses and a photographic memory. He also has other skills, such as analyzing footprints. His boss is being played by Shinichi Tsutsumi.
Translation: Law&Order: Criminal Intent with hotter men
Yao: I hope he has to go undercover somewhere where he needs to quick change from a tux into a diving suit.
Veronica: When I first saw the title, I thought this was about rent-a-cops. I figured a comedy about like, mall security wouldn't be that bad. But its just another cop show in a season full of cop shows. Are crime rates up or something? I'll watch it because I'm hoping Okada can see ghosts or something in it.

Hatachi no Koibito (20-year-old lover)
Begins: 10/14
Who's in it: NagaMi, Sanma, Tsukamoto Takashi, Koizumi Kyoko
Synopsis: The story is described as a romantic comedy between the middle-aged Akashiya and the 20-year-old Nagasawa.
Translation: We had a couple of scenes left over from Joudan Ja Nai!
Yao: Wait, didn't you just get married to an older man last season? Also, she's been picked by Kudo Kankuro for his special, which I'm going to have to watch because he's amazing.
Veronica: Drama writers, here's a little tip for you-- every time you do this whole robbing the cradle thing, it gets a little less scandalous. The only name in these paragraphs I care about is Kudokan, and he has nothing to do with the drama.

Source

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Why do they even make these lists anymore?


An An Top 30 Men: Why do they even make these lists anymore?

Women's jinterest (that was a typo but i think its sort of apt) magazine An An has released its yearly ranking of male celebrities this week, and of course the results are virtually the same as last year! Compiled from reader surveys, the list tracks the hottest and most popular actors, musicians and public figures in Japan.
This year the coveted #1 spot is taken by--wait for it...wait for it-- Kimura Takuya of SMAP, for the 7th year in a row! Since Kimura is only like 32 right now anyhow, we're looking at at least 45 more years of him winning this poll provided something horrible doesn't happen. But it won't, because he's a golden god with perfect hair, sent from heaven to ride motorcycles and surf into the sunset while carrying his baby daughters under each arm. Don't act like you wouldn't marry him if you had a chance in hell.

But i digress! Rounding out the top 5 are:

#2 Fukuyama Masaharu
See, yao! I told you there was something about him! He's sexy in a strange, crooked-teeth way!

#3 Nakai Masahiro
Listen, I don't know, maybe only old ladies read this magazine. But he has a high profile girlfriend. And also he's the highest paid celebrity in Japan. and also he's hilarious. I change my mind, I would totally hit it.

#4 okada junnichi
Um duh. He's got the ass of a dior model. OM NOM NOM

#5 Matsumoto Jun
Creepy, yet alluring!

The rest of the list is as follows. Personally, Odagiri Joe's slide down the ranking is a tragedy.

6 katori shingo
7 tsumabuki satoshi
8 akanishi jin
9 inagaki goro
10 kamenashi kazuya
11 kusanagi tsuyoshi
12 tackey (dude i totally do not remember tackey's real name anymore. what does that say about tackey's popularity?)
13 odagiri joe
14 yamapi
15 domoto koichi
16 nagase tomoya (jin, kame, and yamapi higher than my husband? fuck japan, i will kill them.)
17 hayami mocomichi
18 ninomiya kazunari (this is unexpected, as he is weird looking.)
19 oguri shun
20 sakaguchi kenji. (yao wanted me to make a joke about how his official website pictures him holding injured black children but...dude, that is the joke. what a prick!)
21 sakurai sho
22 nishikido ryo
23 koike teppei
24 tamaki hiroshi (one time i had a dream i fucked him till he wanted to die. of pleasure.)
25 domoto tsuyoshi (i'm surprised he is this high, because people never appreciate true genius!)
26 eita
27 okura tadayoshi(is he really famous? i put this bitch on the map!)
28 narimiya hiroki
29 matsuda shota
30 koide keisuke (this guy must be ugly because i don't know who is he. just saying.)


In other news, the magazine also ranked the top 3 most hated guys in entertainment. #1 this year is some comedian dude named Egashira 2:50. Apparently Japan wants him to die in a fire, but after reading his wikipedia, he's kind of our hero. Motherfucker showed his penis in public to Muslims. You can never say we're too vulgar now!

the other losers:
#2 Yamasato Ryota of Nankai Candies (oh.)
#3 Mino Monta (then why is he EVERYWHERE ALL THE FUCKING TIME?)

editor's note: this entry was written completely on my sidekick3 as i have no internet right now. this is how devoted i am to you! did you know can send me emails on it and i'll reply to them? if you ever need advice on your love life, financial situations, work problems, diet (lol), i'm here to help! i may even post it here in an Ask V-ron column! go for it.

my thumbs hurt. :(

editor's note 2: entry slightly edited by me (yao) except that I got tired.

Monday, September 10, 2007

je 8




~Johnny Gossip 6~
Who's Doing Who Edition


  • Koyama Keiichiro of NEWS speedily broke it off with Uno Misako of AAA (right) only to be spotted in his "love BMW" on a late night drive with
Hasebe Yu of DRM (left). Can we be completely honest here? They both look exactly the same. I'm sure he just made an honest mistake one night in a dark club when he was drunk.
  • Kame is supposedly still having 'playdates' with former 80's pop idol Koizumi Kyoko. They were recently spotted in Kyoto's Gion district watching Kabuki. I have a feeling this is her idea as Kame is probably more of a Disney on Ice type.
  • Hey! Say! 7's Arioka Daiki and J.J. Express' Kamei Taku went on a Tokyo Disney Land double date with Hinoi Asuka and Koyama Hikaru of HINOI TEAM(omfg NIGGGHT OF FIRE), respectively. I guess you move your way up the HINOI TEAM ladder as you move up the Johnny ladder? There's no link for the jj express guy because clearly no one likes him on the internet. Except for these people, who arguably like him too much.
  • Kis-My-Ft.2's (what?) Tamamori Yuta's 'first time' apparently was 'bloody.' GRODY.
  • Hey! Say! 7's Yamada Ryosuke is supposedly an otaku. This is probably not true because everybody knows that your love of 2-D women is inversely proportional to love you receive from actual women. Not that I'm defending him; he totally looks like the kid that gets dumped in the trash can on Freshman Fridays.
  • Arashi's Sakurai Sho is reportedly having a 'serious relationship' with a certain successful CEO in her 30s. Hot.
Well there you have it, all the latest of who's doing what to whom.


source

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Kago Ai, ex-Morning Musume, reportedly was working part time at a bakery in a shopping plaza in her hometown in Nara Prefecture. Actually, it seems like she's taking singing and dancing lessons somewhere in New York.
We don't really care where she is or what she's doing because we have these wonderfully grody pictures of her.


source

FUKKATSU!

It's been a lonely, gossip-deprived two months for you all, and we apologize--but behold our brand new website! New layout, new articles (in like an hour, idk we're still writing them), new pictures, new juicy shit we know you've been craving. You can thank us by posting in the forums and clicking those ad links you see everywhere. What have we been up to these past two months? To be honest, most of it has to do with alcohol. Now that Yao's back in the USA, we can post more stuff more often, and get it from super secret Japanese sources, so make sure you check in, and check in often. Cho Scandalous turns one year old on October 18th; stay tuned and maybe something awesome will happen!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

[Yao] {Oh?Share} MTV Awards Red Carpet

I found this lying around unposted so sorry if it's ~*~old meme~*~, but there are just some decidedly questionable fashion choices all up in here.

Miliyah Kato
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Look at your own face. Is that a "I'm wearing a hot dress" face? No, thats a "I'm wearing a shapeless purple post-modern bag" face.

Kuroki Meisa
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I think she's gorgeous but somebody bought into the Spring/Summer collection of Fendi entirely too much.

Nakagawa Shoko
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We get it. You like anime. Now can you do us a favor and stop watching your Nurse Witch Angel Maid Nanako-chan cartoons for five minutes so you can actually put on something that's not just some random tanktop and limited too jeans?

AI
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First of all, if you are somewhat simian looking you need to not wear weird ass shit. Macy Gray did it all the time and look where it got her.
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Take off that stupid hat.

Goto Maki
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That dress somehow just made your anorexic ass look gigantic.

Leah Dizon
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Why is she even here? Anyway the whole Cache look is not working for you. If you're going to be a gravure model at least show some T&A. It is MTV.

Otsuka Ai
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I'm very disappointed in you Ai. You can buy pretty much that exact dress at every cheap ass store on Takeshita.

Yuna Ito
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Ilu but is it prom?

Ito Misaki
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Take that awful flower out of your hair. And what is going on with your hair anyway?

Namie Amuro
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Oh god, where do I even begin with this. This is a straight-up cYbeRiA r8vR outfit or smthn.

Suzuki Ami
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Does anyone even remember who you are anymore? Anyway look at your busted-ass boots and the dead bird in your hair.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

[Yao] Gonna wash that woman right outta my hair

2007.07.14
On Ayumi Hamasaki's member's only (you have to pay for that shit? wtf) website she wrote: "By the wayyy, I broke up with my boyfrienddd (yes, she did include the unnecessarily elongation of what she said.)





Talking heads are citing Ayu's random engagement to Timothy McGurr, just plain getting tired of each other after 7 years, or the fact that no JE talent will ever find ~*~happiness~*~ before Higashiyama can.

Anway, let's start betting on who hes going to bang next. I vote for a CanCam model.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

[Yao] We missed you too

Now that my god awful final paper is washed right out of my hair, it's time for juicy news...and lots of it.

DEATH!
Izumi Sakai of Zard died on the 27th in Keio University Hospital from a cerebral contusion. According to police reports, a passer-by found Sakai unconcious near the hospital, where she had been going for chemotherapy. She had apparently slipped on some wet surface and fell about 3 meters, hitting the back of her head on concrete.
I don't know if most of you know about Zard (tbh I never was a fan of their/her music) but that is pretty awful. She had an album and a tour planned! Although, Japan has some of the most slippery surfaces ever: do you know how many times I've slipped on those god awful manhole covers on the streets? Would it kill them to grind them down so that there's some traction? No, but let's all have a moment of silence for our favorite mid-90s Jpop queen.





[a somber moment of silence]



Okay, moving along, we have...

SEX!
According to the fabulous people over at Naispo, they've found the real reason Akanishi Jin went to "study" english:
he knocked up two underaged girls!
First, he slam dunk'd with an 'average high school girl' (average my ass, it was totally that harlot Hanako from 2-D) and got a 'stern repremand,' whatever that means. But natrually, only corporal punishment gets through to punks these days and JE is soft, so Jin went and did it again. He got some 'not yet famous, yet still rather profitable teen idol group's' middle-school member pregnant and apparently made her get an abortion. EDIT: and we have names! And JE, even quick to clean up messes, decided two strikes makes and out and shipped him off to the good U.S. of A., where he proceeded to put his semen in of-age white womenz. I hate the motherfucker, but you have to admit he is making his dreams of pimping around the world come true. All kattun needs now is an Asian tour and he'll be spreading his DNA all across the Silk Road. So relax crazy asian fans, he'll do you eventually. As long as you're not ugly. Which you probably are. Moving along...

CATTINESS!
The infamous Sawajiri-kai has been dissolved! And on SawaEri's birthday no less!
"Sawajiri and [Nakagawa] Shoko had a tussle over a certain Johnny's talent and that's when their relationship went sour and from there on the Sawajiri-kai collapsed in on itself. Sawajiri was always rather selfish and fickle, so she'd be quick to cut off relations as soon as there's any conflict. And on top of that she had a bad habit of stealing the boyfriends of members/friends." - An informant.
Well then, I guess the Nagasawa-kai has won by default. It's actually quite a shame because SawaEri's hilariously bitchy feats were just starting to become endearing. Also can we talk about how frumpy NagaMi looks recently? Very few people look good with a center parted greasy bob.




Insipid news of the month
Leah Dizon actually can speak Japanese, like, fluently?! NO WAI!!
Let's all be real here; she's hot. Do we really need her to talk? What, I can't speak for the 3 straight boys that read this blog?

Epherma

Creepy pictures of Yamapi's sister, who's a gravure idol:


large and in charge and 2x the creepy


source
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We know you missed us. Now show us some love.

Monday, May 07, 2007

{VERONICA} ITS BABY TIME

JapanZone is reporting that the real reason Tsuji Nozomi declined a lucrative spot in a stage musical is because she's two months pregnant! Actor Sugiura Taiyou of Ultraman fame, who she has been dating for a year now, is rumored/confirmed to be the father. Tsuji was named as the leader of new group Gyaruru recently but dropped out due to an "acute stomach ulcer". An acute stomach ulcer that will take about 9 months to get rid of, I guess! I've got a date, 6/17, for a wedding but that's it. Interestingly enough, more sources indicate that the baby may have some sort of congenital disorder that causes defects, or worse (gasp!) discoloration! I hope it's green! ...I don't know guys. She's 19 now, but I still think of her as a little 12 year old girl. Babies having Babies, it has to stop! Imagine when the baby turns 2 or 3 and they walk down the street together, they'll look exactly the same. They could use the baby as a replacement for Kago Ai and bring back W! I love that Nozomi is getting away with this crap just because she's graduated but Ai got the book thrown at her not once, but twice! Nozomi was always the funnier one anyhow.

(And if you ask me, Nozomi has always looked EXACTLY like Ohno Satoshi from Arashi. Look at their faces side to side!)

Also, Fujii Takashi is having a baby with his wife, Otoha. No, for real, he's married. No, to a woman, stop being an asshole. No, that was just a character. God, do you believe everything you read online? Well, clearly he does, because he put up with it long enough to make a kid! Listen, lots of people wear golden sneakers, stop stereotyping, even I do sometimes, and look at me! Listen, you told me you were gonna keep that one night a secret, don't be a douchebag. I was experimenting!


I had more to post but I'm sorta drunk and very tired. Such is life, eh?



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P.S. Check out the forums! We have cool emoticons!

Monday, April 30, 2007

[Yao] WATATATATATATATATATA


Apparently Ayu and Nagase are getting married because half of the internet is already buying them toasters and gift cards to Pier 1 Imports or some shit.
This whole thing was started by this quote from a "Music Industry Related Person" aka the president of the Morning Musume club in college:

"Johnnys and Avex are going to team together to create a film production subsidiary. So you could say that the two companies would have a lot to gain if they accepted the marriage."
"It's been leaked that Johnnys and Avex are talking about it. They'll register themselves in december." - Another music industry related person.

So the more legit Yahoo headlines has some guy saying that you could probably perhaps say that they will maybe get married. Probably. Who am I kidding she's probably been knocked up and they're getting married before she shows a bump and so that JE and Avex can make lots of movies about like, Dots and Koda Kumi trying to pass off as high school students in Osaka solving food mysteries. Wait, I actually would watch that shit.

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Thursday, April 26, 2007

{VERONICA} and you thought we only knew about Johnny's!


OH SHIT!



Shazna is back! After seven years, the classic visual band led by charismatic (and overly-contrasted) frontmanthing Izam has reunited in Tokyo. The band (a spanish website labels them as "los padres de oshare", whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean) performed their new single Kokoro at an event yesterday. You know, the majority of our readers are probably in middle school, so they may not remember, but when I was twelve, Shazna was the shit. No, wait, even when I was twelve I knew these clowns were ridiculous. Melty Love? Can we talk please?

Sometimes I miss being a visual kei fan. Drinking helps that, though.

Speaking of awkwardness and visual kei, I just want to make a public statement about how creepy Yoshiki's Myspace is getting. I only found out it was legit a couple of weeks ago and I've been reading the back issues of his blog....whoa. That February 24 entry just made me uncomfortable, and this is coming from a person who ten years ago used to worship the ground he walked on . Celebrity or not, the last place I want to read about your deep grief for Hide is on your Myspace profile. I don't want to say anything more though because what if he reads this and totally hates me, omg. I love you Yoshiki. :(

It's going to be very interesting though, to see how the Coachella of visual kei, JRock Revolution, does. I'm expecting many fat girls, many creepy "meetups", and many creepy "I LOVE YAOI" messenger bags. Hey, JRock Revolution! Give me a press pass and a plane ticket and I'll write whatever you want me to say! Especially since the 4th member of the OMG SUPERGROUP (so far consisting of Yoshiki, Gackt and Sugizo) is going to be announced there. Everyone seems to think it's going to be Miyavi, but I'm holding out for O-Jiro of Penicillin! How can you resist a roly-poly face like that?

Lastly on the the vis kei front, Bou, guitarist of popular band Ancafe, announced his departure from the group this week. Apparently this is really bad. The group insists they will continue on without Bou as guitarist, but judging by the 8 million angsty livejournal posts I saw about it ("current mood: melancholy"), I'm predicting Bou has successfully ruined any chance of his former bandmates making a living. Especially given the band's really tragic "Candy Raver Preschool" look. So shiny! So garish! So 1996! To be honest, I have no idea what all these new baby Jrock fans listen to; I am firmly planted in the old school. All I know about this "Bou" is that his favorite band is Luna Sea (good choice!) and his species is "Cheese". Yeah, happy trails, buddy.

That's all I've got for y'all today. unless you care that Fukada Kyoko may be dating some Red Ranger Dude. But you don't, right? Yeahhhhhhhhh.







Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Drama Prospectus Spring 2007

Next season is going to be a Johnny parade. They seriously gave every Tom, Dick and Yamapi a drama. W/e, they knew they could somewhat counteract the fgtry with Kuitan 2 at least. This time, I've (Yao) brought you pictures from TV Life as well.

SPRING 2007


Kuitan2

Synopsis: The food-addict detective returns
Translation: Yes plz.
Notable Actors: Higashiyama Noriyuki, Morita Go, Kindaichi
Yao:There is a very good reason why they're on the cover and not some Kat-tun/News member. Also, omg mattemashita.
Veronica: I like Cha Siu Bao.

Propose Daisakusen (Propos(al) Plan) ~Operation Love~

Synopsis: Yamashita Tomohisa and Nagasawa Masami play a young man and woman who have been friends for seven years. Yamashita's character, Iwase Ken, is obstinate and unskilled in love, but he has fallen for the lively and cheerful woman, Yoshida Rei, played by Nagasawa, who is about to get married. While attending the wedding ceremony, a sudden time slip sends the man back in time, giving him a second chance to make her his girlfriend.
Translation: Let's put Yamapi in a heartwarming family oriented drama so everyone will buy NewS's single.
Notable Actors: Yamashita Tomohisa, Nagasawa Masami, Fujiki Naohito, Eikura Nana.
Yao: Have you noticed how the leading girl in all these BS love comedy dramas is always 'lively and cheerful'? When are they going to make the heroine a frigid bitch? Whatever, all y'all people are going to now start buying ~*~Nagasawa Masami photobooks~*~ and make her yr new pretend Japanese bff.
Veronica: I like weddings, but I don't like Yamapi.

Hanayome to Papa (Father and the Bride)


Synopsis: Ishihara plays a new 20-year-old OL working in the apparel company of her dreams. Her father, played by Tokito, loves his daughter excessively to the point that he compels her to follow his house rules: 6.00pm curfew, no socialising with the opposite sex. Nevertheless, she falls in love with her colleague, played by Taguchi, and marries him.
Translation: The tl;dr Japanese version of Father of the Bride, with less hilarious antics and no Steve Martin.
Notable Actors: Satomi Ishihara, Taguchi Junnosuke, Koizumi Koutaro
Yao: Ugh, I have this horrible gut feeling that I'm probably going to watch and like this despite the fact that this is basically Erai Tokoro for a younger audience. W/e though, I'm still going to cry at the wedding.
Veronica: I still like weddings, but I don't like Junno's nose.

Joudan Ja Nai! (I'm Not Kidding!)


Synopsis: A home comedy in which Oda Yuji will play a 40-year-old man who marries the 20-year-old woman, Ueno Juri. He will find out that his wife's mother(Ohtake Shinobu) is his former lover.
Translation: Aaaawkward.
Notable Actors: Oda Yuji, Ueno Juri, the adorable little girl from Chibi Maruko-chan
Yao: Why is everybody getting married when they're like, 15 this season?
Veronica: I like weddings a little less now.

LIAR GAME

Synopsis: Based on the manga series of the same name, Toda Erika plays an honest college student, Kanzaki Nao, who receives a million dollars one day, along with a card saying she has been chosen to take part in the "Liar Game". The aim of the game is to trick the other players out of their one million dollars. At the end, the winner gets one million dollars and the loser is one million dollars in debt. Horrified, Nao tries to contact the game organizers to give them their money back. Her old high school teacher offers to help, but it turns out he actually is her opponent in the game, and easily tricks her out of her million dollars. Coincedentally, Nao notices a newspaper article one day regarding an ex-swindler named Akiyama Shinichi. Desperate, she contacts him for help.
Translation: If done well, it should be less obnoxious than Kurosagi, but if done badly, it will smack of 'We wanted to do Kurosagi2 but didn't have enough money for Yamapi :((((((((((('
Notable Actors: Toda Erika, Matsuda Shota
Yao: I love Matsuda Shohei and I also love how he's going to be mad stylish in this drama.
Veronica: I like trickery. And the Matsuda Family.

Kaetekita Jikou Keisatsu (The Statue of Limitations Police Are Back)

Synopsis: The cold case cops are back.
Translation: O helo Odagiri Joe
Notable Actors: Odagiri Joe...
Yao: Totally unrelated but the Japanese version of COPS is totally not as funny/eventful as the American one. More drunk crimes plz.
Veronica: I like how that lady looks like a corpse.

Tokkyu Tanaka 3 Go (Express Tanaka #3)

Synopsis: Tanaka Koki plays his first lead role in a drama series in this romantic comedy. He stars as Ichiro Tanaka, a newly matriculated student at Sangyo Ryutsu Daigaku, abbreviated as "Sanryudai" (third-rate university). His dream is to meet his own "personal heroine," and he thinks that Terumi Meguro (Kuriyama Chiaki) may be the one. But in his pursuit of love, a series of events leads him into the world of "tetsu," otherwise known as railroads. With no knowledge of the subject, he ends up involved in a railroad club with data maniac Kei Hanagata (Tsukamoto Takashi) and the eighth-year student Seishi Momoyama.
Translation: Lots of over-acting on Koki's part
Notable Actors: Tanaka Koki, Kuriyama Chiaki, Tsukamoto Takashi, Kato Rosa
Yao: Oh my god, I'm probably going to end up liking this. If I were Chiaki Kuriyama I would not bang Koki.
Veronica: I like Koki (but I can't believe I'm admitting it!)

Seito Shokun! (Students!)

Synopsis: Based on the manga sequel Seito Shokun! Kyoshi Hen by Yoko Shoji, Rina plays a female teacher who will take on current education problems such as bullying, suicide, and declining student performance.
Translation: GTO except with a lot more 'please's and 'thank you's.
Notable Actors: Uchiyamada Rina, Horikita Maki, Shirota Yuu
Yao: Annnd Horikita Maki gets downgraded to a UchiRina drama. This is going to be like Gokusen except with less fighting and more hugging or something gay like that.
Veronica: I really don't like UchiRina, and i really don't like school dramas. I hate Horitaka Maki.

Kodoku no Kake (Wager of Solitude)

Synopsis: Based on the novel by Junpei Gomikawa, the story is about a young businessman (Ito) who encounters a designer (Hasegawa) that will ask him for a 20 million yen loan. She will use her own body as the collateral.
Translation: Please let this be just a show about incredibly corrupt yet hot people doing it.
Notable Actors: Ito Hideaki, Hasegawa Kyoko
Yao: Hott. Who else was mad that Kimutaku didn't even have one sex scene with HaseKyo in Karei? Well now it's Hideaki Ito's turn.
Veronica: I like sex.

Watashitachi no Kyokasho (Our Textbook)

Synopsis: Kanno Miho stars as a lawyer, Tamako, who investigates the truth and the dark side of the school where various ulterior motives swirl when one of its junior high school student falls to death. Tanihara Shosuke also plays a lawyer who is Tamako's lover, while Ito Atsushi plays a teacher.
Translation: "Tell me where he touched you."
Notable Actors: Goro's GF, Tanihara Shosuke, Shida Mirai
Yao: Two lawyers married together is like a traffic accident waiting to happen.
Veronica: This bitch will probably die at the end. I like that.

Hotelier

Synopsis: Ueto Aya plays Odagiri Ryoko who is a manager of a hotel, which a businessman (Oikawa Mitsuhiro) is trying to take over.
Translation: Wahgnnnnt
Notable Actors: Ueto Aya, Saeco, YON-SAMA!!!!!!!1
Yao: So that's where Saeco went. Also, Yon-sama's screen name is going to be Shin Dong Hyuk. That name will get you beaten up in the South.
Veronica: I like the fact that Ueto Aya has the most busted mouth ever, look at it. AHAHAHHASdasdjasd I can't even take it. I don't really like business dramas though, what is the point.

Bambino!

Synopsis: A drama adaptation of a popular comic written by Sekiya Tetsuji. Matsumoto Jun plays the overenthusiastic protagonist from Fukuoka who comes to Tokyo with the desire to become a chef. The drama will display cooking skills and the Italian language.
Translation: MJ speaking Itarien while also having motor nerve problems.
Notable Actors: Matsumoto Jun, Karina
Yao: "Also, he is going to speak Italian."
Why. Just, why.

Veronica: I am going to like laughing at this.

Sexy Voice and Robo

Synopsis: A girl that has an ability to alter her voice to manipulate men and a geek with an obsession with toy robots team up in solving various cases.
Translation: Nnnnnnnnnerds!
Notable Actors: Nakamura Shido and he only appears for one episode.
Yao: I don't blame you guys for having -5 star power because all the A-listers have pretty much been picked by all the other teams but jesus, they're letting anyone solve mysteries now. Just give us a drama next year where we solve mysteries kthnxplz.
Veronica: I loooove robots, so this will probably be the only one I watch. This, and the Corpse Lady one.

Even the drama specials are good this season. You have a remake of Hissatsu Shigotonin with Higashiyama Noriyuki, Matsuoka Masahiro and Ohkura Tadayoshi (y helo there :*) and a heist drama starring my bb Tamayama Tetsuji. There is also some BS remake of Romeo and Juliet starring Takizawa Hideaki and Nagasawa Masami but I'm not watching it unless he's wearing his face brace the entire time.

There is also some crime drama starring Inohara from V6 but I am too lazy to research it.


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