Wednesday, November 29, 2006

{VERONICA} Really, now.



Vogue Nippon awarded their 14th annual Women of the Year Awards earlier this week in Tokyo. Whatever, whatever, they do that awards shit all the time. But let's run down the list of the 14 winners:

1. figure skating gold medalist Arakawa Shizuka
2. model Anne
3. fashion designer Mori Hanae
4. artist Matsui Fuyuko
5. singer Koda Kumi,
6. TV newscaster Takigawa Christel
7. actress Momoi Kaori
8. actress Kikuchi Rinko
9. actress Sawajiri Erika
10. actress Nakatani Miki
11. actress Nagasawa Masami
12. actress Matsuyuki Yasuko

If you're smart, you're yelling WTF right along with me. One of the most esteemed fashion publications in all of Japan searched high and low for this year's female leaders in achievement, beauty, lifestyle and fashion, and they STILL put Koda Kumi.


This Koda Kumi?























This Koda Kumi?


















This Koda Kumi?


















THIS Koda Kumi?!!?!?!




















Clearly there must be some mistake. And that mistake is not letting me judge these awards. I mean sure, my list would just be Takeuchi Yuko and Shiina Ringo alternated 10 times each, but it would still be better than any list containting Koda Kumi. I mean, I like Hamasaki Fucking Ayumi better than Koda Kumi, and she's fucking my man!

This is where you come in--in the comments, make your own Top 14! Who rocked your boat this year? Actresses, Models, Singers, Porn Stars, whatever. Make a list, get creative, and depending on the results you may contribute to one of the many Year End Lists Yao and I Are Planning on Doing But Probably Never Will!

...Just don't put Koda Kumi. For the love of God.

Friday, November 24, 2006

{Yao} Tsk tsk


How was Thanksgiving/Black Friday for all of you guys? Did anyone get hurt in a K-mart stampede? No? That's good to hear.

Let me start off by saying that I know several kids from Meiji Daigaku and they're not exactly tomorrow's future leader. In fact, I mostly know them through a go-con and they were mostly chosen for looks and "charm factor." Anyway, word on the street is that Tomohisa Yamashita aka "Yamapi" to those who are too lazy to type all that out, has "temporarily withdrawn himself" from Meiji.

But that's only half of it: the reason why he's "temporarily withdrawn himself" is because he's a cheating little bitch.

Okay, maybe he's not a 'little bitch.' Maybe. But there's lots of talk about how he cheats like no one's business and the school is covering up for him because of his status!

Salivating over the juiciness of this bit of news yet?

"I saw Yamapi writing tons of answers on his desk before the Commercial Sciences test in '04, when he was a freshman. There was a rumor that when he was a sophomore, he was caught cheating by the test proctor and got pissed off*...it's a pretty famous story within Meiji." - source: Saizo

Apparently, it's well know that cheating is widespread in Meiji, and that this year they've taken extra steps to crack down on it, taking such measures as placing your name on a 'bulletin board of shame' and suspension. Maybe that's what happened to our darling little YamaP.

The most incriminating evidence is that he has only stopped coming to school this year after the strict policies have been enacted. I mean, I love partying but it seems like someone can't take the heat. Let me also add in this non-partisan completely impartial side comment that Sakurai Sho managed to attend an actually challenging school AND bothered to attend class without writing 8012 crib notes for his tests.

Speaking of buying your way (or 'fame-ing' your way) into semi-famous but not that mentally taxing schools and ex-NewS members, an inside source says that Koyama Keiichiro aka Fuggers McFugby, is also a cheatin' little bitch. What's more; he tries to badger other people into cheating for him! She also added that he was a complete bastard off-camera, which really needs not to be said because anybody that ugly and pseudo-famous clearly has to compensate in other areas.

That's all the news for now kids, you can start flaming us to uphold the honor and chastity of yr Johnny's boyfriends now!

*gyaku-gire, this means to get angry about something you have no right to be pissed about mostly because you were the one doing something bad.

source

Thursday, November 23, 2006

{Veronica} OBEY TRYPTOPHAN. KILL MIYAVI.

Well, for us Americans, it's officially the "Most Wonderful Time of the Year". I spent the majority of my day laying in bed drifting in and out of sleep and watching 5 straight hours of Nodame Cantabile. I haven't heard from Yao at all, but I also know she's just bought Final Fantasy XII (finally) so there goes any chance of her writing a post this weekend.

Anyway, because I'm too food-tired, lazy, and dreading my work day tomorrow to find some real news or do actual research on Yamapi apparently getting caught cheating on a test at Meiji this week, I'll let y'all in on another edition of "WHEN AMERICAN PEOPLE MEET JAPANESE STARS AND ACT LIKE ASSHOLES." This one comes from another anonymous (to you anyway) tipster and tells the story of what really happens when you meet Miyavi in a lingerie store: absolutely nothing. Can we talk about how Miyav/bi is the most overrated, completely retarded rockstar anyhow? Clearly none of you 12 year old Jrockers remember when he was ugly, pimply and untalented in Due le Quartz like 7 years ago. With that lead singer who looked like a shrew. It was a dark point in my life, but at least I know now this dude is nothing to write home about instead of wasting money on some overblown, overpierced, glorified fetish model with a hankerin' for the brand new Pink! pajama sets (on sale now for $50!)

Whatever, I'll shut up now and go take (my third) nap. From here on out is copied and pasted from an email, so don't send your boyfriend to sue me over it or anything, ok?

"I am no fan of Miyavi, but seeing some known Jrocker at a mall in the San Fernando Valley was rather odd.

I came out of "The Children's Place" or whatever that store is called and then him and his staff/friends walked passed me and without thinking I was like, "OH MY GAWD THAT'S MIYAVI!" I never even wondered why he would be in America. I recognized the nose and lip ring right away and followed him and his groupie but when I asked one of the staff/friend person, "Excuse me, is that Miyavi-san?" and the staff guy said, " Erm. No. yeah...." and walked off talking to Miyavi. But I was like, "Dude, no one has a nose ring and lip ring like those except Miyavi." thus I stalked him around half the mall and ended up at... VICTORIA'S SECRET.

WHAT THE HELL? Even I don't shop at that store. So I saw this Japanese looking person and said, "Hey, is that Miyavi?" and the girl said, "No. I don't know..." and I said, "Are you Japanese?" and she said, "yes." and I left her alone, but alas, she was also one of his friends that I didn't know until about muchhh later. So I acted like I was interested in a pink sweater and then I turned around and lo-and-behold, there is Miyavi holding a pink sweater. Then he asks the saleslady in a very accented voice, "Excuse me, may I try this on?" and the lady literally looked like O_O and said, "Um, what? Try it on?" and he said, "Yes' and she was smiling really big and he said, "Why are you smiling?" and she said, "It's nothing. You go straight down and you'll find it."

Then I followed him a few feet behind and finally his groupie didn't follow him so I knew that I could talk to him personally. I waited outside the dressing room looking at t-shirts and I heard other saleswomen saying, "A man walked into the dressing room!" and I was like, "...." I waited and waited and finally he walked out and I walked up to him and said, "Ano, suimasen demo... sa... anata wa Miyabi-san desuka?"

and he said, "Yes...?!" and I said, "Could I please take a picture with you?" and he said, "Hm? What?" and I said, "Ano, shashin..." and he did an X with his arms/hands and said, "No no ;_;" so I said, "Ah, but please?" and he said, "I am so sorry, but no." (and I recognized his tattoos on his hand and knew for sure that it was Miyavi) BUT AT LEAST HE FREAKING SAID HE WAS MIYAVI AND DIDN'T LIE LIKE HIS STUPID STAFF. Ahaha, but they were probably lying for security measures or they thought that I was a rabid fangirl. Going on, he said, "Ah, sa~in ga hoshii?"

and I said, "Que? Oh. Ah... hai hai??" and he acted like he was giving an autograph and I said, "Okay!" and he said, "Come come!" and I said, "Ah... ah... but!" and he said, "Come with me." and I said, "Are you sure?" and he said, "yesyes." so I followed him and realized that his groupie knew me and was probably going to shoot me and said, "AH! DEMO DEMO!" and he said, "Nnn?" and I said, "Your staff... they will be mad." and he said, "No no, come with me!" and I was like, "@_____@ DAMN." so I followed and his groupie was staring at me like this .________. but I totally ignored them.

He asked his groupie for a pen and asked if I had anything to sign on. I was like, "Can't we just take a picture? I really like your clothes..." and he said, "Sorry!" and one of his groupie people said, "Sorry, but he can't take pictures. Do you have paper?" but I didn't and she told me to hand over a dollar bill (WHY THE FRICK DID I HAVE TO WASTE A DOLLAR ON MIYAVI?!) and he tried to sign in but the pen didn't work. [SIDE NOTE: Apparently Miyavi never takes pictures with fans, as he's afraid they'll end up the internet (wat, never). It happened before, I guess, when he was drunk, but J-Rock fandom is inane and retarded in that they save NOTHING (I had to ride their ass for like ten minutes before the one person who saved the pic before the OP took it down would share) so I have no evidence of his one tabloid adventure. :< ]

So he got another pen and signed it and asked my name and I said, "Tara..." and he said, "T-A-R-A?" and I said, "Yup!" and he signed it and smiled and said, "Thank you." and I said, "Hontou ni arigatou gozaimasu~" and bowed and stuck out his hand so I shook (is that a real word?) his hand looking semi-confused and he said, "Bye!" so I said, "Thank you, good bye." and left feeling rather dazed.

Because he didn't let me take a picture with him, I went upstairs and my mother and I was looking down at Victoria's Secret and waited about 20~40 minutes so that he could come out from the shop and I could take a picture from afar but it was so... um, hard to wait? I don't know why he was shopping for so many things at that store and he had like a whole bunch of things with him that he was going to buy. Finally he came out and I took a picture, accidently with flash on and he looked around but never looked up so I turned off the flash and took about 6 pictures more. So I have a picture of Miyavi, but not with him. Oh well.

So now I have a dollar that says, "Dear Tara" with his signature and date and I realized that he could have just signed my Orbit gum box. Damn."

The autograph'd dollar bill

The Miyavi sekrit pic she took


The BEST part though is the reactions these J-Rock fans are having. This email is already tl;dr but here is a fine selection of the trolling comments left on her myspace and LJ, UNALTERED~

"This can't be true, it just can't...otherwise I will die..."

"I hate that girl. She's like "why did I have to waste a one dollar bill on miyavi" I left her two coments repremanding her. I hate it when non-fans meet celebrities just for autographs and stuff. and devoted fans don't get the chance. There's a bunch of people in america who meet jrock bands yet they don't know them at all. >.<><-- [SIDE NOTE: Who is excited about meeting fug americans. Besides Jin.]

"as a true miyavi fan. I hate you. Seriously I would waste 100$ bill on him if I got the chance to meet him and he would offer his signature. "

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

{Yao} Burrrrrn


Yes, that is stack of sake next to the obviously underage Sawajiri Erika aka "I'm dying in yet another disease-related drama" girl. But you all probably don't care much about yet another underage idol caught implicitly drinking/smoking, what we have is an exclusive inside source about how much of a bitch Erika is.

Our source says she was once good friends with her but had a (quite understandable) falling out after Erika decided to talk a lot of shit and was generally condescending.

But of course, payback's a bitch.

According to our source, "She's a total loner now. Just two days ago my [girlfriend] and I bumped into her at a bar, and she was ALONE."

Ladies and gentlemen, that is what happens when you're too cool for school.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

{Veronica} We're not a JE blog. JE just sucks at life more.

Readers have requested we start keeping track of Hello!Project news so we can report it here. It's not as much of a chore as I would have thought it would be (you get used to their shrill, hamster-like voices after awhile), so expect more from that camp in the future. Maybe. If I'm not in Internetz Jail by 7PM tonight.

There is one universal truth about Japan-- if even they think you're too thin, you're probably already dead. This may just be true for Yoshizawa Hitomi, eldest member and current leader of the latest Morning Musume generation. Yoshizawa had embraced her sporty, boyish (read: totally butch) persona for years, but with her becoming leader last year, it seems the "stress" and "pressure" of her job have led to a dramatic loss in weight, alarming the press and her fans.

A better comparison of her shrinking frame can be found below:

Normal Yossie


Weirdly Stickish Yossie



You be the judge.

Friday, November 17, 2006

{Veronica} SUCK IT KATTUNLOVE, WE HAVE THE SCOOP THIS TIME


JIN SIGHTING IN L.A.;

JIN'S SEMEN IN GOTHIC GIRL?


The best part about this Never Before Seen, Hot Off the Presses Jin Party Picture is NOT the tan idol, but the creepy woman on the left with the eyebrows. (Shudder) Even better, this picture is from her myspace.

Even better than that, this is the key quote from it, which I think explains a lot about her: "Dating wise, I'm strictly asian boys only. Don't judge me." Seriously, don't judge her. She's just trying to live her life. Asian Style.

Even better than that, a secret secret source given to me by my bff Jaclyn (seriously, I'm gonna sleep with her someday for this) reveals what really happened between Gothy McBrows and Jin. The MSN conversation between Elvira and her friend is very long and telling, so we're not posting it all, but here are some ~*~*~juicy~*~*~ highlights:

{on his blossoming alcoholism}
***** says:
Haha, he was drunk last night.
***** says:
He said he had 5 vodka shots. xDD

{on something that probably didn't even happen}
????? says:
He's a fast kisser though.

{on whether she would sleep with him}
***** says:
Yeah, well...look at this way, if I did, I'd just be an American fling. But since I got his number, I plan on hanging out with him and becoming better friends.

{on his english skillzzz}
***** says:
He can say enough. xD Like, "Can I sleep with you?"

Grody. As this is totally late breaking news, info is still flying at us from various sources. We'll keep editing this post so you can keep lol'ing about it.



Have an awesome Friday night, babies! Maybe one of you will get drunk and sleep with Jin! And then email us to show the pictures off!

edit (11/17/06 8:00PM): i've removed the link to Emily the Strange's myspace because chinese blogs have now found it and they will actually fly to L.A. with knives. KNIVES.

edit (11/18/06 9:00AM): Holy shit, it's only 9 in the morning but we already have 3,000+ hits? Someone pass around a round of drinks.

edit (11/18/06 3:00PM): OH HELLO THERE どうしてコメントまで通訳してんの?ところで、うちのサイトは"悪意満々のジャニーズ安置サイト"じゃないわよ。だって、ジャニーズ大好きだもん。

edit (11/19/06 1:00PM) Amanda (Gothic Girl) denies all charges in the comments and in emails between herself and the site. She is concerned about Jin's reputation and wishes that the commenters would stop being so harsh about her. While Cho Scandalous understands and respects her concern, this version of events is more hilarious, so we're sticking with this one. Also, sup Shanghai, Seoul, Jakarta, Singapore, Tokyo, Beijing, Hong Kong, Guangzhou, and Manila? Thanks for the ten thousand hits you gave us while you left hate messages over and over! You're making us a shitload of money on our click program!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

{Yao} Peruvian is the new black

The Kinki Kids are at it again this year with another Christmas/Winter single.





"It appears that the Kinki Kids will be snow fairies, who try to grant the little girl (in the video)'s wishes."

Y'all can hate on the poncho but I personally believe that anything that makes Johnnys men look as hispanic as possible is fabulous.
Wait a few months and Matsujun is going to be poncho-ing it up in HYD2.

Speaking of HYD2, word on the street is that they're filming in NYC. Don't worry I've sent out my gay friend to be on the lookout when he attends clubs that are frequented by fobby asian men.

Hurry up and watch the clip before YouTube baleets it!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

{Yao} Oh jesus christ it's actually real

You have to admit when people first were freaking out about Tegomass in Sweden, it pretty much sounded like some "BETTER THAN BOTOX?!" deal that was in reality the product of lots of photoshop and Korean fangirls. I mean how could you blame the skeptics?

Well now we have actual video footage AND a radio rip. What the hell is the world coming to?

VIDEO
LYRICS and LINK TO SONG


The video looks like they want to be the Kinki Kids so badly except they had like less money for the music video and like, Sclub7's reject songwriter.

I have a few questions for you:

1) What is the point of releasing a song in English that is unintelligible. I mean, Shakira has a pretty weird sounding voice when she sings in English and she sure as hell slurs half her words but at least I could understand maybe 5 words. This song, on the other hand, sounds like two Japanese guys who failed english class trying to sing some A*Teens song at karaoke. Oh wait....
2) Hey, I know what a great debut single would be, a song about yr mom!!! I mean really folks, they already look like they're 12, there's no need to add fuel to the pedophile fires.

Wait, people actually want to buy this single?

Monday, November 13, 2006

{VERONICA} we had almost decided to stop doing kattun news :(



Things I hate:
1. Akanishi Jin
2. KAT-TUN
3.Tenimyu
4. Anime Musicals in general

Somehow though, I've been tapped to write about them. THIS IS NOT HOW I WANTED TO SPEND MY FAKE "SICK DAY".

An email mole tipped us off to this rare interesting post over at kattunlove (most things at kattunlove ARE interesting, but in that way where you're at the zoo and you're watching the monkeys throw feces at each other and then eat it. You know.). It would seem that Shirota Yuu's batshit crazy spanish mother went off on a tirade about the entertainment business on a radio show and her comments seemed to be supporting Jin in his time of Deep Educational Turmoil. (Hands up if you have or know a crazy spanish mother and can totally relate to this. )In true fangirl style however, the commenters spend entirely too much time translating the article and come to the conclusion that she is crazy and could be saying fucking anything. They actually don't even know if she's speaking cryptically about her son, or Jin! They also seem to think that Shirota's mother is either supporting Jin, or slandering JE and trying to get publicity for D-Boys, the second largest boys' talent agency in Japan. NO SHIT, SHIRLOCK. This is such bullshit, why am I even posting this again?

And why should Shirota Yuu's mom even give a shit about Akanishi Jin? Jin and Yuu, along with Yamapi are part of what i like to call the Idol Cabal, which consists most of the attractive men from HoriKoshi Academy just fucking girls. All the time. I know it happens. Idol Cabal alumni include Ikuta Toma, Hasegawa Jun, Koike Teppei, and Matsujun. Jimmy Mackey is a member too, but he went to an International School and no one wants to fuck him except for me. So they're like, brothers in fucking, and Shirota's mom says he's like a son to her, and she's mad about how the entertainment business is treating him.

Or, she's actually talking about Shirota Yuu, and he really IS her son, and she's mad about how the entertainment business is treating him.


I fucking hate kattunlove.

Yao Edit: I did a translation of the not redundant places in the comments. This lady is fucking crazy, basically she's like OY CHICOS I'M SPANISH SO I DO WHAT I WANT FUCK YOU JOHNNY'S ENTERTAINMENT! YEAH SEND YR YAKUZA AFTER ME I'LL SLAP THEM all because some chinese fans are claiming on the blogs that Jin is a deserter. The translations at kattun love suck a dick and fail to realize that she's talking about Jin and not her own son (well mostly, i'm sure she's also upset about chinese fans like, e-sucking on her son's dick) She manages to blame assassination threats, sex depravation, youth crime, and basically all that is wrong with the world on the media and JE and compares them to North Korea. She makes herself a martyr of 'speaking out against the man' and she also is a publicity whore in general and basically tells the Japanese people that they're lying pussies.

Goddamn she wins the obnoxious gaijin of the year award. And I thought I won it when I cut in front of a line of like 100 people for free samples in Shibuya.

Also, I also wish we had other news NOT about gay ass Jin but what can I say he's like the Paris Hilton of J-ent.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

{Yao} Wat?


what is this faggotry


Don't tell me JE is going to try to do that 'let's debut in america'* thing again. I bet they're all like THIRD TIME'S A CHARM!!!!


Can we talk about how it's under the 'REGGAE' section?
Can we talk about how it's WAL-MART?

God, how low are you going to sink Kattun?

Here is why Kattun can not make it in america:
1. American people, according to the iTunes download ranking (which never lies!!!) like Justin Timberlake, Beyonce, Jamz, and whiny indie bands. Kattun is none of the above.
2. In America, we won't stand for music in oriental pig latin.
3. Kattun look like fagz.
4. They don't have a song about them being Japanesey.
5. Did I mention we like Jamz?
6. Koki looks like he has that disease where he ages too quickly.
7. $13.88 is a pretty steep price for a Kattun CD.
8. There are no hot latinos/as in Kattun.
9. If Shounentai couldn't make it nobody can!!11



*First Four Leaves, then Shounentai and now KTTUN?

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

{Yao} Where in the World is Akanishi Jin 2


Today has been a very good day. Dems have swept both house and senate and Rumsfeld has finally sucked a dick and resigned. Oh and I gave myself a manicure and my nails look fabulous.

Enough of heavy topics, let's talk about how Jin managed to suck even more dick.

Apparently, the school Jin finally decided to enroll in a specialty school only identified as "Language System" in Korean Town, LA, a specialty school that teaches its students middle school level english. He enrolled at the end of October and the latest news is that he's already dropped out.

The official take on this is that there were too many Japanese students there and that they caused too much uproar to let him be. The coordinator says that she's looking for another program for him to enroll in, but all programs in the area have a high concentration of Japanese students.

"If he truly wants to study in peace, he has to go to a school filled only with Americans."
Um lol all that will do is replace giggling cell-phone picture taking Japanese girls with screaming anime t-shirt wearing American girls.

"However, American schools start in September so it's already too late, plus Akanishi's language skills are a problem."
iawtc. Jin, do you actually want to learn English? How much effort would it have taken to google when the American school system starts?

彼は次はどこへ行くのでしょうか。
"Where will he go next?"
Even Japanese people are getting impatient. I'd highly recommend Malta. That's where my dad and Kim Jong Il learned English and how many girls with horrible english from Malta spam your forums requesting for kattun files?
God forbid if Jin decides that he needs to learn English in like, Hong Kong, but maybe we'll get lucky and some batshit crazy fan will put glue in his drinks.


Oh and other hot topic seems to be 'KAMENASHI PLASTIC SURGERY SUSPICIONS.'
Listen Japanese blogs, I know how much you all love old meme but this is ridiculous.
However, I am too lazy to photoshop a picture of Jin being attacked by fangirls so a fugly picture of kame will have to do.

source

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

{Yao} ATTN:



Dear Readers,

Did that half naked picture of Nagase grab your attention? It did? Good.
We're going to start a Q&A section for slow news days because we know we're going to run out of fugly Kame pictures sooner or later and I doubt you want a day by day tracking of Ayu's waistline.

Anyway, please email/comment/tag board your questions about anything J-ent related.

Have you always wanted to know what Koda Kumi looks like without make-up on?
Wonder what percentage of Gackt's face is plastic?
Curious as to why Glay is still around even though they are clearly fug?

Ask away! Veracity of answers may vary.

{Yao} Aaaawkward!



The best and worst thing about the Japanese celebrity world is the lack of nip slips. The only one I manage to find is this unfortunate screencap of Dou Mariko from Music Station Super Live 2005 when she decided that silk + bras = EMBARRASSING BRA LINES! except that she forgot that she is not, in fact, barbie and actually has nipples. It's a shame because that dress is actually cute.
Moral of the story: when in doubt, get pasties!

These are quite a few underwear slips. Well, in Koda Kumi's case I doubt it was so much of a 'slip' as a friendly 'hay sup.'
Ayu, on the other hand, has no excuse for such ugly underwear. That shit is straight up granny underwear; how is Nagase supposed to rip it off with his teeth if it has 8012 square yards of fabric and like 6 bows? Whatever, if Britney can dump Kevin, then I firmly believe that Nagase can finally realize that silicon is not a toy and that he can produce 6 feet tall slender and gorgeous children with Ito Misaki



Epherma:
=
y/n?

Monday, November 06, 2006

{VERONICA} by the way...

Our links box is looking a little lonely-- if you blog about Asian stuff, own a sweet LJ community for fashion/music/art/culture, or even have an awesome website about pop culture, we'll exchange links with you! Let us know over there in that cute little talkbox on the left.

{Yao} OH?しゃれ: Mika Nakashima



To me, fashion is even more serious business than the internet is. Therefore, on slow news days I've decided that making fun of celebrity stylists (what? as if any famous person in Japan actually dresses themselves) will suffice.

Today's victim is Mika Nakashima. Now, don't get me wrong I think Mika is very pretty and can be classy if she wants to be. However, what the hell is up with this faggotry?



What happened to her during the shooting of NANA that has made her embrace the whole 'derelict' look and look like she's a victim of famine and genocide?


Make that a victim of famine, genocide and the goths.

Ironically the top picture is for a charity event she attended with Mandy Moore and N.E.R.D. to raise money for the tsunami.
Too bad this is an asian entertainment blog but Mandy Moore is out-porking even Ayu amirite?

Sunday, November 05, 2006

{VERONICA} yeah, i'm a lardass, but at least i'm not famous!


"'When she sang loudly during the chorus she got a double chin, and her upper arms were soft and flabby, a lot thicker than before. It's not surprising that fans were shocked.' - says a music writer"

Just when you thought the Bitch Fight was over... Koda Kumi has picked a new target; the Queen of J-Pop! And if Ayu's the type of girl who gains weight from stress, it looks like it's a losing battle. Could everyone's favorite little Pug Faced Prostitute take over the title?

[21:58] yao: ps juicy rumor of the moment: koda kumi might be the reason why ayu is fat
[21:59] veronica: wat
[21:59] veronica: did she put poison fat in her water bottle or something
[22:00] yao: lol no i didn't read it closely but something about the competition causing stress so koda kumi has moved up from otsuka ai and is now taking on ayu and making her fat
[22:00] veronica: oh dear god
[22:00] veronica: ayu has unacceptably low self esteem then
[22:00] veronica: i fuckin hate that bitch
[22:00] veronica: she lets koda kumi make her fat
[22:01] veronica: then she goes home and wobbles on top of nagase's cock
[22:01] veronica: and then she goes shopping
[22:01] veronica: what the fuck
[22:01] yao: omg
[22:01] yao: can you please write all of that in yr post

{VERONICA} slow news day

KAMENASHI KAZUYA.


THIS.




DOES NOT EQUAL THIS.




GOVERN YOURSELF ACCORDINGLY.


{Yao} Invasion of privacy!!!




Miss us?
We missed you all too, but I wouldn't hold your breath over the weekends for updates because November is that glorious month between mid-terms and finals when we can meet and greet with all the people we meant to call but didn't.
But I digress, today I bring you some pictures that should be best left private but are not.

1: I'll give you three guesses who this incognito member of smap is. Too skinny to be Shingo, too non-pointy to be Tsuyoshi, and pretty much too shady to be anyone else.
Why is Inagaki Goro chillin' outside of a (what I would assume to be) AMPM? Can we also talk about that ugly shirt?

2: Apparently, this is Akanishi Jin's little brother. I know most of you are going to be like, "How does he look anything like Jin?" but I remind you that the picture you're probably looking at is some overexposed, photoshopped, post-plastic surgery fashion ad. You need to look at something like this and then the similarities start popping out.

3: LOL @ Kimutaku.



Oh and PS we received our first negative comment ever recently on the Yunho<3glue post. I highly recommend it as some nice light reading in between meals.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

{yao} Chirashi: T.H.XI.S., I'm getting bored of Jin, ayu's jeliz of ebi-chan?, and Koki's ssssecret dating


T&T'sT.H.+I.S.?ru4real?
Recently, Tackey&Tsubasa's Takizawa Hideaki and Ishihara Satomi have been spotted getting into a taxi together with "an air of secrecy." Word on the street is that they have been dating ever since they starred together in the NHK hit drama Yoshitsune. Idk, I guess they're cute together. Their children will have big lips.

He likes them young
10/27: Tanaka Koki of KAT-TUN was spotted on a "late night private room date." A celeb reporter (lol i guess they mean paparazzi) said, "His date was a very young girl. She was probably not a celebrity, i've never seen her face before." Apparently this 'private room' was actually just a karaoke box. And we all know karaoke box dates = dick sucking.

Where in the World Is Akanishi Jin-ego?
A girl studying abroad at a certain school in downtown L.A. was recently quoted, "Yesterday, Akanshi Jin came to my school and that sent me into a huge panic!" Apparently, this 'school' is not an official college but more like a prep school to help non-native english speakers get into english speaking universities. It's in downtown L.A. and the fee is reasonably cheap so it seems to be popular with many Japanese exchange students. Sry 2 say members of kattunlove, he's not going to be popping into yr history 101 class in your local community college.

And in a few months she'll be releasing a self titled album with a track called 'Jealousy'
on 9/1 there was some event called "Kiwi Day" where the press wanted to take a picture of Ayumi Hamasaki and Ebi-chan together. However, this was foiled when Ayu pulled a diva and refused to take pictures with Ebihara, and wore sunglasses the entire time claiming that she had conjunctivitis, except that when solo pictures were taken without said sunglasses her eyes were not red at all. The blog I got this from then proceeded to go on about how she has 'nothing to be afraid about' because she has 'amazing fashion' etc etc. Too bad Ebi-chan's not fat? When is Ayu going to start hating on Koda Kumi? I mean she's stealing all the SCawaii covers from her.

source
source
source
source

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

{VERONICA} no one messes with my princess!


You know, just when the sting of Reese and Ryan's impending divorce finally wormed its way out of the sensitive cockles of my heart, Fate deals me another blow last night with the news of Takeuchi Yuko's breakup from kabuki dick Nakamura Shido. Shock lead to deep sadness as I fondly recalled their cute meeting on the set of hit 2005 movie Ima, Ai ni Yukimasu (you may have watched the sub par drama with Narimiya Hiroki last year), their fall into deep love, marriage, the arrival of a new son, now 9 months old. Sadness quickly turns to anger as I read reports of Nakamura's apparent total disregard for his family as he gets arrested for drunk driving and gallavants around Tokyo with models he is not even much married to. Fuck that guy, Yuko is the most beautiful, nice, sweet, perfect woman in Japan and he is a douchebag. This is just like when Issa from Da Pump cheated on Misaki Ito. (Then again, who HASN'T he cheated on?) Takeuchi won't be hurting for long though, as CM pitches are inundating her agency, some for as much as 50 to 100 million yen. The role of "scorned lover" and "heartbroken divorceè" can be very lucrative these days, and there's no doubt that the highest paid actress in Japan is going to cash in on her pain.


The bottom line is, love is a cruel illusion. Buy a vibrator.


Link

{Yao} Before They Had Photoshop Part 1




And now it's time to prove to all of you that celebrities were as (if not more) ugly as us common folk before they became famous and could afford stylists and leet photoshop artists. We'll start off today with pop divas.

1: First, we have our favorite person in the world, Ayumi Hamasaki. Look at this picture. Then look at any of the pictures that pop up in google and let's play Find the Parts That Have Been Surgically 'Enhanced'! Also can we talk about how fat she got during her JEWEL performance? Shady japanese blogs are suggesting that she's pregnant but personally I think she's just on a secret eating binge. That creepy guy in the picture is what you get when you google secret eating.

2: Does anyone remember Suzuki Ami? I used to secretly listen to her stuff back in early high school and apparently there were shady dealings with her management and she went MIA for about 5 years but I guess she's back with anime theme songs or w/e. Anyway, I have this heinous picture of her and I thought it would be fun to compare it with this one. Come on, open both in separate tabs and flip back and forth between them. It's like fast forwarding through Extreme Makeover.

3: Hikki had a mad dark 'stache going on. Now, as a Northern Asian myself I understand our ancestors had to grow extra hair to protect our emaciated bodies from the harsh Manchurian winters but that is some prominent upper lip hair. Who came up with the term 'upper lip' anyway? Like hair can grow on your lips.
But I digress, the moral of the story is that a good eyebrow wax job can do wonders.
 

choscandalous. Copyright © 2011 -- Template created by O Pregador -- Powered by Blogger