Tuesday, October 31, 2006

{Yao} Incriminating Johnny's photos (Part 2)

First: Yes folks, that is a picture of the young Morita Go of V6 making some chick in horrible fashion suck his plastic/lollipop(?)/unusually small and narrow dick. Well I'd certainly like to go to one of these dick suckin' parties but can we talk about how fug he is in this picture?

Second: This seems to be a nice little picture of Nakai Masahiro from SMAP and his buddies out on a nice trip to the beach. That's nice and dandy and all but can we talk about his buddies? Clearly they are yakuza members. Okay maybe he just has friends that love getting tattoos that make them look like yakuza but let's be real here if you have sleeves of dragons and inclement water you're probably going to be hustling people for money after dark.
Oh and also there was this rumor going around that he forced some ex-girlfriend of his to have an abortion. Spiiiicy.

Third: What you see in this picture is a more or less clear shot of Ikuta Toma's wang. Naturally, when you're just chillin' at an onsen you'd want to have photographers take an awkward aerial shot of you and your private parts.
Who the hell is trying to get up on him from behind?
I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm just wondering why there aren't more penis slips like this.

Oh ps we're going to hit the 2000 mark for our blog and we'd like to celebrate by opening a Q&A section, where we will answer all your remotely J-entertainment related questions in a hilarious and most likely factually accurate manner.
Email us!

{VERONICA} movie news!

Please continue ogling those oh-so-juicy pictures of drunk Jin below if you wish, but we have a job to do, so on with the next topic! It's weird to even be writing this specific story, because I hate movies of all kinds. When I go to the theaters, even if it's a movie I want to watch, I get bored and end up playing Time Crisis in the lobby until my friends finish. I paint my toenails and read Jane Magazine while I watch Schindler's List. However, there are at least 3 new movies I will want to watch: Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette (which has nothing to do with this blog and has suffered enough criticism already), and these two films scheduled to open in Japan early next year.

A collaboration between Japanese and Mongolian filmmakers, Aoi Ookami tells the story of Ghengis Khan, feared warrior and Mongolian conquerer. this movie was shot entirely on location in Mongolia and has a budget of over 3 billion yen (do the math yourself, yankees.). Sorimachi Takashi stars in it, and let me just tell you-- he is hot. Hot in that manly way. Not that fake manly way, like Kimutaku (though I'd fuck him too) but like, the Nagase Tomoya-caliber, I'm-gonna-fix-your-car-and-then-fuck-you-while-we-eat-steak way. Don't act like it's not a turn-on.

But I digress. Listen, I'm a history major and my BFF Yao is an Asian Studies girl. This kinda epic biography shit makes us wet in the panties. In middle school (yes, we were geeky) we used to draw comics about Ghengis Khan and Andrew Jackson solving crime on the frontier. ...Don't act like it's not a turn-on.

Based on the incredible manga by Moyoko Anno and directed by photographer Ninagawa Mika, Sakuran tells the story of a young girl (played by Anna Tsuchiya) employed in the pleasure district of Yoshiwara and captures the rise, fall, and disillusionment common amongst geisha. I don't know how popular the manga was in Japan, but I've read it, and Tsuchiya is definitely the spitting image of the main character. She's always got this bad-ass, kinda crazy look in her eye where you're never sure whether she'd gonna slap you or grab your crotch. The real attraction though, besides the gorgeous visuals and top-notch casting, is the score, written and performed by Music Director Shiina Ringo. Yes, that's right, Shiina Ringo, Musical Genius and Goddess of All That Is Musically Holy. The ending theme to the movie, "Kono Yo No Kagiri" will be released as a single on January 17th, and will also act as the centerpiece to Shiina's yet-to-be-named 5th solo album, due out in February. I've actually shit myself with excitement like three times while writing this paragraph, no lie.


Monday, October 30, 2006

{Yao} THIS JUST IN: Jin in NYC

Wait, wait, wait, wait...
So you're telling me that Jin is actually going to do what the official statement said and is going to the US to study english? Um really? Apparently he speaks no English but yet wants to enroll in a school that specializes in linguistics. K let me go apply to med school without taking the MCAT/knowing exactly what the spleen does.*
Well I guess studying english also includes getting wasted at halloween parties.

*I kid, at least I know what my spleen is doing.

EDIT: Just because there is a not ugly asian man standing next to a JE member does not mean that he himself is also a JE member. That guy is not Koki/Kusano/Uchi/Johnny Kitagawa. If all y'all fangirls want to do JE members then clearly you need to be pretty and white (or a Vivi/CanCam model and Japanese) like the girl we stole these from.

EDIT 9:16 EASTERN TIME: WTF KAT-TUN crazies?! Apparently fangirls went crazy and started threatening to kill this girl. Killing Jin's BFF's GF is not going to make Jin hot and bothered about you kthnx?

EDIT3: Let me quote some hilarious serious and alarming threats:
we the chinese kno where u r and we r coming. all of asia will no u beatrice fer 坏蛋 u r.
where did u bring jin? u singlehanded ruin fandom. i hear U r the reason he left? eskimo death.
Oh Chinese fangirls, where would we be without you?

Note from Veronica: This is a legendary post, so I'm butting in to give my two cents on the matter. And my two cents are these:

1. Jin going to school in the U.S. is making me feel like I'm being raped in the ass and I really don't like it please go home now. If Jin decides that he's just gonna up and go to the University of West Virginia or some gay shit like that, millions of fat white fangirls are now going to think they can bang him. Thus, they will undoubtedly become 3000% more annoying than they already are. All I visualized this morning as I had my coffee and Croissanwich were legions of Wapanese fools joining the Exchange Student Society and Asian Students Association at their college "just in case". I am shaking my head with embarrassment for you all already.

2. I fucking hate that motherfucker. He looks so ugly in Real Life, as evidenced here. I wish these pictures were full length so you could all see the belly shirt he was probably wearing to attract women to his gross bloated potbelly. Go back to Japannnnn and send me someone awesome instead wahhhh :(

oh P.S. these pictures are outsourced from http://sennuyer.livejournal.com/243145.html. She's probably going to come here and bite our heads off for talking shit anyway, but we thought we'd be nice and credit her anyhow.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

{Yao} Incriminating Johnny's photos (Part 1)

I love scandalous pictures. Some or all of these may be old meme to you depending on how much of a internet stalker you are of livejournal communities, but for the rest of us who don't care as much these are some nice conversation starters.
"How was your day?"
"Not as good as Takki's day when he was sexxin' up his girl!"


"My brother is going through a goth phase."
"Don't worry, Koki was pretty goth and look how fake thug he is now."

First: Takizawa Hideaki and his old girlfriend. I love these so-clearly-revenge pictures. Celeb dumps girl, girl sends naked picture to all the tabloids. It's a win-win situation.
Edit: My apologies, I have so many Takki + girlfriend pictures that I uploaded the wrong one. The current one is the correct one but stay tuned for a part 2 for that and more A+++++++ pictures.

Second: Tanaka Koki of KAT-TUN apparently "smoking underage."
Can we please talk about those eyebrows and that gothique ass nail job.

Third: A unnecessarily large amalgamation of that guy who left NewS first and his girlfriend(s).
Moriuchi whateverhisfirstname is sure did love his lady/ies and he sure loved to love his lady/ies on purikura.

Last: Tomohisa Yamashita (otherwise know as Yamapi for fans/people who don't feel like rolling out all those syllables) of NewS/gYm/himself apparently "smoking underage."
Completely unrelated but why are people attracted to his womanly body?

The moral of the story is that never leave a paper trail when you're dating someone/friends with someone you're 20% sure you're going to dump/backstab.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

{VERONICA} She's Leaking, She's Got the Drip!

It's articles like these that really remind us ordinary women that models are just- well, women. And sometimes women have really bad luck. Take, for instance, Japan's current top model, Ebihara Yuri. Everyone loves her. She is undeniably beautiful and nice. She got to play Inagaki Goro's girlfriend on TV. She even has a shrimp sandwich named after her. Yum. But when she went to Hawaii for a photo shoot, misfortune struck- in the form of a 6.6 magnitude earthquake!

"Ebi-chan was in Waikiki with her great rival, Moe Oshikiri, and other models to do a photo shot for the fashion magazine, CanCam. They were with the magazine's managing editor, a TV film crew and some local workers for the shoot," a TV industry insider tells Shukan Gendai. "They were caught 20 floors up in the elevator at their hotel when the quake struck. Ebi-chan had to take the stairs all the way to the bottom of the building. Once she got out there, she had to line up with a huge crowd outside a convenience store for over an hour before she could buy enough water for her stay. Things just went from bad to worse for her."

Definitely a bad day at work, but why all the sympathy? It turns out that Ebi-chan was in bad enough spirits already-- she had just recovered from a nasty case of pink eye! (gross!) An oozing, mucus dripping eye does not a happy supermodel make. Worse yet, sources say the infection came from none other than fellow CanCam model Yamada Yu, who is currently starring in Damensu Walker (TV Asahi). "Ebi-chan said at her Oct. 6 birthday party that the conjunctivitis had healed, but at one stage there her eye was all dressed up with so many ointments that it looked as though she was being treated for burns. It really looked painful. She'd only just gotten better and headed back to work when she was caught up in the Hawaiian earthquake," a stylist says.

The cherry on top of this itchy and irritated story? In true catty supermodel fashion, Ebihara made sure the next person to receive the cursed conjunctivitis was none other than her biggest rival and top CanCam and Vivi cover star Oshikiri Moe. Naomi Campbell, you could learn a lot from the models of Japan.


Thursday, October 26, 2006


Everyone's favorite "fully Japanese" R&B-ish singer Hirai Ken is gay. Why, oh why, was I not aware of this until this summer when a fellow ICU student blinked and said, "What? You didn't know? He's quite a prominent gay man."

First off, LOL.
Secondly, how are you going to be secretly Ainu and gay? That's like if I were a minority lesbian albino left-handed cancer patient. Whatever, Hirai Ken is gay and also a liar about his ethnicity, and also croons some sweet tunes, but this is not the issue at hand.

The issue at hand is that he's apparently gay with Fukuyama Masaharu. Yes ladies, this is the same Fukuyama Masaharu who always grabs the #2 spot in all those hot men rankings.

"Early this year, Fukuyama Masaharu and Hirai Ken went to a bar in Ebisu and entered a private room together. When a waiter came in to take their orders, he found that they weren't sitting opposite to each other (as normal) but where sitting side-by-side very closely. They weren't blatantly all over each other, but they seemed to be very flirty." - A local bar employee

Well I don't know about you folks but I hate it when someone barges on in when you're trying to put some moves on a hot guy.


{VERONICA} suspicious, but we like it.

This site has only been public for like, 5 days and already 300 different people have come to Cho Scandalous and managed to NOT flame us. That's a pretty fucking huge achievement, especially for me, Livejournal's Biggest Bitch.

So like, awesome. We'll keep making fun of people if you keep getting off on it. In the meantime, hows about you hotlink one (or both!) of those hot buttons Yao made for the site and put them in your profiles/sidebars/AIM profiles/blogs/message board signatures/LJ posts/photobuckets/gaping assholes. They're stylish and flattering for summer and winter! And they make your tits look bigger.

Oh, and feel free to email us if you get any good scoops, hilarious pictures, or you just want to tell us that we suck. We can pretty much make anything funny, except maybe the genocide in Darfur, and that's not Asian news anyhow.

Less than three, bitches!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

{yao} bitch fight!

Okay so maybe this is old meme to some of you but what can I say I love feuds. Especially when they involve two divas. Koda Kumi and Otsuka Ai have been going at it to get the #2 spot over at Avex. #1 is of course reserved for our favorite Nagase-stealing plastic surgery enthusiast. But enough about Ayumi Hamasaki, let's talk a little about our challengers:

This is Koda Kumi. She's the one who pioneered "ero-kawaii" (aka being slutty in polka dotted bows) and makes it okay for 10 year old girls the world over to think that dry humping = dancing. Anyway, since her "Best Second Session" CD+DVD has now beat Utada Hikaru as the top selling solo female artist CD release, she should be pretty much Avex's next diva, right?

Wrong. Out of nowhere comes singer-songwriter Otsuka Ai and she happens to not only rank higher on the 'desirable girlfriend' list (Otsuka 7, Koda 20), but she also got second billing for an Avex shareholder's concert. Things get bitchy, Otsuka reportedly calls Koda a "cheap nightclub hostess" and Koda counters that with a withering character attack about how Otsuka has 'no talent.'

Sry2say Koda Kumi but Otsuka Ai actually writes her own songs. Granted, she has yet to pump out a middle-eastern inspired jam, but she's getting on the slutty look. Be concerned, Koda, be very concerned.

Let me end with a picture that I feel sums up Koda Kumi quite nicely:


Tuesday, October 24, 2006

{VERONICA} wait, i love hilarious pictures

this hilarious picture is actually a picture of the genius artist Yayoi Kusama. If you don't know who she is, find out, or be uncultured. And yes, she is as crazy as she looks. But crazy in that sweet-ass way. This is probably what Shiina Ringo will end up looking like in 45 years or something.

{VERONICA} janet jackson in tokyo to promote 20 y.o.


{VERONICA} JE/No Name Model Mystery!

from JapanZone-

Model Mori Izumi (24) is romantically involved with a former Johnny's idol. The weekly women's magazine Josei Jishin identified him simply as 27-year-old former Johnnys Jr. member "T-san" and said that he works in the import business. The pair are said to have been dating since before Mori's modeling debut. She is the grand-daughter of fashion designer Mori Hanae(80).

I don't know shit about no old JE guys that I don't want to fuck, so maybe Yao will solve this blind item for us. Importing is where it's at though, I bet he's rich as shit. Anyway whatever we will reveal his identity later. After I go to work and then eat Steak and Shake for lunch. Friscoooo Meltttttt!

I'm still hurting in my loins about all this strange Ayu/Nagase news that's happening lately. Don't do it Nagase, nooooooooo

Monday, October 23, 2006

{yao} Wait, really?

First things first, let's just look at that picture...and song title name. I feel like the chorus is going to be Tegoshi Yuya (aka the girly kid from My Boss My Hero) and Masuda toolazytogooglehisfirstname (aka the fat one) singing about how "Easy breezy Japanesy" they are and/or about how much they can get for 10 dolla.

But let's not talk about that, let's talk about what they're doing in Sweden. Yes, Sweden.

"Miso Soup" is written by Swedish songwriters (but then again when is a Johnny's song NOT written by Swedish people?) and they'll be promoting hardcore there from November 14 on. I guess Johnny finally realize America is a lost cause because I mean if the Four Leaves can make it as a pin-up in a Tiger Beat but not the top 40? Clearly America hates asians.

I'd also like to direct your attention to this little gem:
"Yuuya Tegoshi and Takahisa Masuda are Japan's biggest idols right now and form the group TegoMass. The guys got their breakthrough as members of the group NewS which has released seven albums and sold many millions of records in Japan. Their concerts were attended by hundreds of thousands of fans consisting mostly of girls of all ages, from 8-10 to 55. 'Your own life is worth nothing. The idols are everything,' say their fans.
Do I even need to make a joke about that? I think not.

Man, the only j-artists we got were Psycho le Cemu, and they're druggies.

Okay maybe just the lead singer. Listen, if he didn't have meth then he couldn't keep his figure, k?


{Veronica} I WANT TO DIE

Nagase's Taxi-Driving Father Confirms "Lovey-Doveyness"; Are Wedding Bells in Sight?

The only thing I can use to describe my feelings at this are these emoticons from the tagboard.

http://oggix.com/shout/smileys/gun.gif http://oggix.com/shout/smileys/hit2.gif http://oggix.com/shout/smileys/bigangry.gif http://oggix.com/shout/smileys/nono.gif http://oggix.com/shout/smileys/cry.gif

Sunday, October 22, 2006

{veronica} {HOT}light-- CHEMISTRY

Formed in 2000 as the result of some talent competition where clearly only amazingly attractive men compete, CHEMISTRY boast 14 top ten singles and 4 #1 albums. Their latest album, FO(u)R (inspired by Hard Gay's famous battle cry) landed at # 2, beaten only by KinKi Kids, which is a pretty noble defeat if you ask me.

But fuck all that shit, the most important thing to note is that Yoshikuni Dochin is one of the hottest fucking men alive. Or at least he was until he betrayed me by knocking up his girlfriend, model Morita Atsuko, in 2004 and then marrying her. sigh, Whatever, Dochin. Whatever.

The duo has run into scandal in the past week when it was discovered that their latest single, "遠影 (Tookage)" contains a phrase used almost exclusively by the legendary manga artist Leiji Matsumoto, creator of Galaxy Express 999. The songwriter behind the apparent plagarism, Makihara Noriyuki, insists it is a coincidence, but Matsumoto is asking for a formal apology. CHEMISTRY has yet to comment on the allegations.

Chemistry- Yakusoku no Basho (youtube)
Chemistry- Tookage (Youtube)


Thursday, October 19, 2006

{yao} Jin finally sucks a dick

After having many secret night rendezvous with adult video actresses and that girl who did nothing in SPEED, getting verbally abused by older and classier members of his talent agency, and even pissing off the man who made him, he's decided to do something more drastic than debuting in a special side group for a mediocre drama: He's going on an 'indefinite hiatus.'

Now, I don't know about you but I know a thing or two about Johnny's Entertainment, and that is when someone's on 'indefinite hiatus' that basically means he's peaced out.

Earlier on this week to the consternation of hormonal teenage girls around the world Akanishi Jin (22) announced that he was going on hiatus for an indefinite amount of time because he wants to supposedly 'study a foreign language abroad.' Of course what language and where he did not announce for 'safety purposes.'

Fast forward a few days to a little article about how he's supposedly dating a 26 year old Brazilian-Japanese model, Rina. Apparently, he's been dating her for quite some time and when news reporters asked him about whether his hiatus was due to a women he said, "No." And folks, in the entertainment world no means yes and Gackt is the mascot for a plastic surgery clinic.


{veronica} it wasn't me, i swear

"Me and glue
I do--
I think about it every night
It's only right
to think about epoxy that you love
and squeeze it tight
So happy together..."

yun ho (UKnow?) from DBSK (TVXQ? ASDF? ROFL?) "accidentally" drank glue water this weekend and got his larynx bonded permanently to his uvula. i've put "accidentally" in quotes because:

1. who drinks glue on accident?
2. who drinks glue on purpose?

ugh back to acts who actually matter. this guy looks like yao's little brother james but with like, ten learning disabilities.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

we cannot deny any of this


"you guys ruined my life."

"i think they might be, you know... lesbians."

"you really understand the good things in life, like food, men, and clothing."

"you fucking bitches. Why do u always start drama? just to amuse ur lack luster lives? think u look good? think ure fashionable?"

"so you may be kinda mean sometimes but i really don't care."

"I think you 2 are the kewlest people on the internet, seriously."

"People know of you and automatically assume the worst are missing out."

"Both of you - keeping the interweb real."

" pretty girls that try to defend the ugly&fat chicks so people think they are "nice." bullshit they are just defending them because they glad they aren't that fat and ugly."

"One of you has damn good style. The other is Fug."

"i know you're lesbians ok. just come out of the fucking closet already, you dykey whores!"

"there aren't many smart, talented and pretty fans like you in my fandom (and most of them suck dick btw)."

"I like you, but sometimes I snicker behind your back. I guess that's what the internet is for though."

"I think either or, or even both of you, would be great to have a girly slumber party with. I'm so lonely and only have dykey friends, please come to Japan. ;3;"

" I have concluded that you are young, and maybe a bit immature. "

"Your style matches your personality."

"You know you should gather some maturity."

look out, entertainment blog world.

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