Sunday, December 31, 2006

{VERONICA} I'm baaaaack....

"Meanwhile, Ayase [Haruka] is currently featured in the NTV drama “Tatta Hitotsu No Koi.” She originally debuted as a pin-up idol, but gained 7 kilos within a year after her debut. She loves sweets a little too much, say her colleagues. Due to her weight gain, she was put on a TV program in which she had to try a new diet. “Her agency claimed that if she gave up the diet, she would retire from showbiz,” said an entertainment reporter. “And she failed. Akiko Wada, who was on the show, scolded her for the failure.” On one of her DVDs, it shows her eating chips all the time."

This is the single greatest paragraph I have ever written about a Girl of the Moment. Hating her just feels so sweet! (See what I did there? Sweets? Fat ass? No? Okay.) My favorite part is when the Eternal Goddess of Keeping it Real, Akiko Wada, pretty much told her she was a lard-ass to her face. I'm glad someone is doing my job over there! The rest of the article is a pretty cursory overview of the top faces on television today, but they pretty much call Sawajiri Erika a lazy bitch and devote a whole paragraph to Nagasawa Masami's apparently huge knockers (mine are better) so I figured some of the straight men who read this site might want something to read for once rather than the JE-related drivel we usually post. If you're not a straight man and you care about these girls, you're probably the same people who are fans of Hamasaki Ayumi, and that pretty much rests my case right there.




Shut the fuck up about it, internet. What a fucking waste of DNA these losers are. I'd rather shit in my own mouth than listen to them squeal their drivel at me. These past months without them have been the best of my life and now YOU FUCKING RUINED COUNTDOWN FOR ME KITAGAWA. CHO SCANDALOUS IS ANGRY.

Happy New Year, Motherfuckers!

Friday, December 29, 2006

{Yao} 14sai no Hussy?

If you're like me and you Download Under the Influence of Boredom, you end up watching entirely too many dramas. Thus, that is why I'm probably going to be watching the finale of 14才の母 (14 year old mother) tonight against my better judgment. I still think the entire drama is an 11 hour propaganda piece aiming to guilt Japanese women into improving the birth rate....but I digress.

The star of the show is the 13-year-old Shida Mirai, who has been touted as the next big "it-girl" in the Japanese entertainment industry and who has up until now, a relatively clean reputation (hey, at least she didn't do any up the crotch shots for that gravure shot she did). But we all know people like dirt and dirt I have for you.

She has apparently been spotted 'canoodling' with Kamiki Ryuunosuke and Ya-Ya-yah's Yaotome Hikaru. Whatever, more power to her. I mean, if you've just got your period and those infamous secondary sexual traits are poppin' out, you'd probably go on a Johnny's Go-con too. Wait, did I mention that before? At any rate, it was 'mid-summer' apparently.

Of course, you can't have a gossip article about a pre-teen in Japan without the mention of some lecherous old man. The scriptwriter who brought you such quality JE-driven dramas such as Ningen Shikkaku (aka Kinki Kids get Kinky), Strawberry on the Shortcake (aka Takki gets Abba), and Pride (aka Kimutaku scores goals and Yuko Takeuchi), Nojima Shinji (43), is apparently 'chasing after her.' Grody.

"Nojima's taste (in women), to put it bluntly, are the 'baby-faced' type, as evidenced by his previous (interest) in people like Fukada Kyoko (Please, everyone with a penis and a wallet has done Fukakyo) and Adachi Yumi. He has the so-called 'lolita complex,' so it's no mystery that he's taken an interest in Shida." - a screenwriter.
He's also supposedly writing a drama for her now?


Oh ps, sorry for the lack of updates, but I'm in O-town and it's also my vacation!


Thursday, December 21, 2006

{Yao} Do I need to remind you why I don't like vis kei?


The visual kei band Phantasmagoria, based in the Kansai region's bassist/manager Matsuura Tadashi (Tadafumi? idk) (30) aka ~*~*~kisaki~*~*~ has been prosecuted by the Wakayama District Public Prosecutor's Office because of suspicions of violation of the income tax law, via failure to pay 46,000,000 yen in taxes. The proposed tax penalty, including heavy additional taxation, is an estimated 64,000,000 yen. According to the authorities, Matsuura has been active with his band in the Kita-ku area of Osaka, as well as producing other bands. He hid his earnings of 150,000,000 yen for a period of 3 years by depositing the revenue earned from concerts and CD sales into the bank accounts of family members without reporting them at all.
Phantasmagoria is a band known for its flashy costumes and make-up, located in Kansai but also touring nationwide. Matsuura said, "I wanted to leave some money for ads to allow (us) to go on TV etc."

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. I pretty much hate all these random vis kei bands that have popped up post 2002. Visual kei was soooo 1998, if you still like it you probably shop at JcPenny.
1) How are you gonna try to be shifty and put several grand into yr grandpa's account
2) How are you gonna be dressed like this in 2006.
3) How are you gonna break the law in the least rock n' roll way possible when you probably sing about vampires and faeries and magicks?

Wahgnt. Anyway, on to music that doesn't suck a dick. When is the new ENDLICHERI☆ENDLICHERI coming out? I am too tired to google all the random forums on JE. Oh by the way next time you want to waste time you should totally do it at his site. It's bangin'.

pps. If I make another mistake in the 0's in all the tax evasion amounts lo siento in advance because I was woken up by my brother today at 7 am because my other brother was apparently 'dizzy.' Yeah, I don't know either, he apparently had a bad case of stomach flu and blew chunks all over. On the plus side I got all my Christmas shopping done. Ok, I need to stop treating this like my LJ.

To tell you the truth, I just spent 10 minutes trying to google "Fantasmagoria" and I kept on getting weird ass russian pages.


{Yao} Tired of me yet?

w/e just making up for finals week.

Anyway, if you're like 80% of the readership of this site, you're salivating over Johnny's Countdown that happens every New Year. All the JE acts except for SMAP get together, some big names from the 80s come back and do their greatest hits, and somebody in KAT-TUN throws a hissy fit about having to dance someone else's dance. If you have a PC and can figure out Clubbox, you can probably even watch it as you celebrate New Years in your own country (unless you live in Australia or smth).

It was announced on the 20th that at the annual Johnny's and Associates New Year's Eve [Johnny's Countdown 2006-2007] (Tokyo Dome) there will be a one-day unit of the 7 who will be "toshi otoko" (men of the year i.e. chinese zodiac year) next year.

  The members of the group formed by those born in the same Chinese year as 2007, the year of the boar, will be V6's Sakamoto Masayuki (35), Arashi's Matsumoto Jun (23) and Ninomiya Kazuya (23), KAT-TUN's Ueda Tatsuya (23) and Nakamaru Yuichi (23), Kanjani ∞'s Maruyama Ryuhei (23), and MA's Yara Tomoyuki (23). The memorial project for this group, "Inoshishi Seven," that surpasses group borders are still in planning.

  This will be the ninth Johnny's Dome Countdown. Last time 101 Johnny's came together including the "eldest" Kondo Masahiko (42) and Shonentai. It looks like this year will also have extravagant performances. President Johnny Kitagawa said, "This year will bring out the history of Johnny's."

  Along with a special KinKi Kids medly for their 10th anniversary next year, there are plans for some big name former Johnny's to appear. A collaboration between TOKIO and KAT-TUN, as well as all the hit songs of this year. The concert will be broadcast live on Fuji TV (11:45).

Chunishi addendum:
 SMAP, who will be in NHK's [Kohaku Utagassen], will not participate because Nakai Masahiro will be the host of the show. Also, while NEWS is not doing any work, the members, such as Yamashita Tomohisa (21), will appear. This concert will be braodcast live by Fuji TV on the 31st from 11:45.

Let's play "Guess Who The Special Guest Is." I don't think it's Okamoto or Akasaka and Sato because they're always there. Johnny's cryptic words could either mean that they're going to show even more old footage or that he's going to do something crazy and bring Hiromi Go into this whole melee even though he quit JE a long while ago. Idk, I just want them to force everyone to dance to GOLDFINGER '99 aka the Japanese remake of Living La Vida Loca. Lol.
A TOKIO and KAT-TUN collab? Wtf? I guess they were the only group that could stand working with them?
I can't wait for Kinki's 10 anniversary activities to kick in, even though I not so secretly want Dots to go off on his own and make pretentious music forever.
Also, LOL YamaP where'd yr group go?


Tuesday, December 19, 2006

{Yao} Old meme

When you translate "15 minutes of fame" into Japanese, you get "2 seconds of fame."
Here are a few notable female celebs whose 2 seconds seem to be up. You'd be surprised. Or not.

Actress: Ito Misaki
She initially garnered popularity as Hermes in "Densha Ototko," but horribly overacted in "Sapuri." Many of her fans had their ~*~*~dreams shattered~*~*~ when she finally got a role with more than 2 lines.
What can I say Ito Misaki is gorgeous but unless she's playing a role where she just stands there and acts ethereally pretty or plays a horribly clingy burikko, then you're pretty much in store for a snore fest. Can we talk about how much "Sapuri" sucked though? First of all, it had that ugly motherfucker Kame in it in yet another continuation of his Shuuji character (and prequel for his current character in Tatta Hitotsu no Koi). I don't know how or why Eita agreed to go along with it because he belongs in pretentious films, but he made it slightly more bearable. But I digress, Ito Misaki should just peace out of the acting game and just appear in nothing but tampax and Shiseido anti-wrinkle ads like Koyuki does now.

Model: Ebihara Yuri
The charismatic model is just fine when being photographed, but once she opens her mouth it's pretty evident that there's not much going on in her head. She tried her hand at acting, but she said her lines as if she were reading from a cue card. She's also accused of only being shot from one angle in all her commercials, and some particularly catty people claim that they can see wrinkles on close up shots.
I don't know if this is just some jealous fatties that are making it up but you have to admit the whole Ebi-chan love you!<3 bit is getting old. Don't tell Oshikiri Moe about her declining popularity, though. She may go in for the kill.

Singer: Otsuka Ai
There have been many accusations of plagiarism:
- 2005's "Smily" sounds like wyse's "Friend"
- This year's "Yumekui" very much sounds like Mika Nakashima's "Will"
- Her big hit "Sakuranbo" sounds like Judy and Mary's "Overdrive" and Hysteric Blue's "Little Trip"
Let's be real here, all horribly mainstream Japanese music sounds exactly like all other horribly mainstream pop music. I mean can we please talk about how Koda Kumi's "Puppy" song off of her new album sounds just like Rihanna's S.O.S.? Otsuka Ai already has the readership of CanCam hating her almost as much as Ayu, if she loses the support of horny men and girls who read those fake indie fashion mags then she's done for.

In summary, people don't want cute, they want cunt.

pseudo source

Friday, December 15, 2006

{Yao} 2 GANGSTA 4 U

Semi-breaking news. Or not idk I just came back from a history final exam.

It was revealed on the 15th (Japan time) that the vocalist of the popular band UVERWORLD, TAKUYA∞ (real name Shimizu Takuya) was arrested for interference with a public servant in the execution of his or her duties when he knocked off the hat of a police officer issuing him a traffic violation. He was taken to police headquarters in Oomori. He says, "I was waiting for someone and I got annoyed so I did it." He was released the next day. source

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL. COPS CAN'T KEEP TAKUYAINFINITYSIGN DOWN! This is not as funny as Goro running over a police officer in his mad dash to escape from a parking violation fine!!!, but let's just sit for a moment and visualize him knocking off a polieman's hat.
For all of you who don't know, UVERWORLD is your run of the mill super-poppy nu-metal band with a large 14 year old girl following. The members are totally ugly but that doesn't stop most people from liking them. Well I guess UVERWORLD merchandise won't be carried in Kiddie Land anymore next to the Hello Kitty merchandise?

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

{Yao} [OIC] Japanese Anon BBSs Answer Your Pressing Questions! (1)

Q: How come SMAP never participates in Johnny's countdowns/J-friends?
A: Apparently, SMAP's female manager is on very bad terms with JE therefore, they never participate in JE-related agency-wide events. J-Friends on the other hand, was composed only of active groups at the time (1995) who had members from the Kansai region, because the group was formed to raise money for the great Kobe Earthquake. TOKIO has Johshima Shigeru from Nara, V6 has Okada Junichi from Osaka, and the Kinki Kids are obviously from the Kinki region. Some other suggest also that SMAP wasn't in J-Friends because "they'd look old" (LOL). There are also many rumors flying around about the diva like attitude SMAP has off camera and to be real I don't doubt it a bit. I mean if I had my own show that just consisted of me making fun of the guests I'd throw a cellphone at my assistant too.

Q: What's up with the whole Akanishi Jin pissing off the man who made him business?
A; The 'man who made him' would be Domoto Koichi. KAT-TUN originally was basically a young, fugly looking hand-picked group of back dancers for a specific musical-lovin' sempai. Kind of like MA except with more members and no Ricky Martin aka Jun Akiyama (what? he looks like Ricky Martin). Anyway, for DoKo's (Domoto Koichi fyi. Hereafter, Domoto Tsuyoshi is going to be referred to as Dots kk?) ongoing Shock musical series, he picked 6 promising post-op Jrs. During practice, Jin was wearing a pair of pants that had some big, probably frumpy chain attached to it that was flying around and Koichi told him "That (chain)'s dangerous. Take it off." However, apparently after this Jin would moan and bitch to the other members about how Doko is "pissing him off" and he somehow turned Doko's warning into some story about Doko punching him. The threads are pretty divided between "KAT-TUN are cocksuckers" and "Y U LIE ABOUT KAWAII KATTUN??!?!" so I'll leave it to you to decide whether this is plausible or not.

Q: How come no JE acts are ever in JUNON, despite the fact that it's supposed to be an idol magazine? How come JE acts never perform with Vision Factory boy bands?
A: About 4 years ago, JUNON stopped featuring JE acts in their magazine. There was lots of talk about the cause being the ongoing Vision Factory vs Johnny's Entertainment warfare going on and that Vision offered JUNON's publishers some sort of amazing deal to seal a contract with them, but it seems like the opposite was the case. JUNON's publisher also publishes "Shukan Josei" which is a gossip magazine that features tons of JE scandals. JE got pissed and prohibited JUNON from featuring their talents. Thus, JUNON was rejected by the hot guy in class and had to go to prom with her gay friend. Similarly, JE gets mad pissed when music shows want to have the competition on at the same time, and I think it's safe to guess based on all the Music Station and HEYx3 tributes to JE and the fact that Hikaru Genji used to be a regular on Music Station that JE won. Suck on that w-inds!


Sunday, December 10, 2006


From JapanZone-

"Rock musician Ayanokoji Sho got married on Thursday. He made the announcement on his official blog on Friday night, adding that his bride was an "ordinary person" (the usual expression for someone not in showbiz) that he met earlier in the year in London. He said they hope to hold a wedding ceremony next June. Ayanokoji, vocalist of the six-member "yankee rock" band Kishidan, has recently found chart success as DJ Ozma and he is currently on a solo tour. In 2003, he was romantically linked with Puffy member Yoshimura Yumi (31), but they broke up at the end of last year."

This is sad news to me, because to be honest, I always had a crush on him in that totally Let's Do It Under The Bleachers And Then Vandalize The Gym! way. Oh, Sho-yan. Make me a pompadoured baby at least.

.....Also, isn't Yumi the one who was married to T.M.R.? But they got divorced last year because she cheated on his closeted ass? If so, lololololololololololololollol.

Friday, December 08, 2006

{Yao} 7 Recent Johnny's Rumors

1. Yah-Yah-Yah (or whatever the fuck they're called because who actually cares) member Yamashita Shoon, who goes to Horikoshi is being ousted by his classmates because of an entanglement with a girl.
Maybe he's just being ousted because he's a dick? What, did he try to put his penis in some politician's son's girl or something?
2. Kanjani8's Yokoyama Yu gave a $30,000 bag to his favorite hostess.
LOLOLOL sounds pretty accurate to me.
3. Akanishi Jin fans are boycotting KT-TUN's new single.
Why is it always one thing or another for all y'all motherfuckers? Not that I'm complaining, because this is the first time they're doing something I would do aka not buy KAT-TUN paraphernalia.
4. Around the end of October, Nakamaru Yuuichi was spotted on a date with a model-like girl. He bought her some shingen rice...whatever that is.
Wow, that fug gets around.
5. Kitayama Hiromitsu was seen going to a Saitama hospital for chlamydia.
I crown thee the lul of the week. The only way the totally faggy guy from ks my ft or whatever the hell his jr group is called can get into the news is if he gets an STD. Lollllllllllllll.
6. Kanjani8's playboy NISHIKADO ROY made a pass at Ohkura Tadayoshi's girl so now there's tension between them.
Just get another girl? What ever happened to straight pimpin'? Personally though, I'd rather date Ohkura - bitch has money and a dad in the yakitori business!
7. KAT-TUN's Nakamaru Yuuichi asked Kamenashi Kazuya to set him up on a Go-con with a female announcer. but turned down Takashima Aya with a "No."
So now he's a picky fug?

There were originally 8 but who the hell cares about Jin's little brother getting stalked?

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

{VERONICA}hilarious picture of the day!

Image Hosted by

All too fittingly, Koda Kumi and Fergie share the cover of S Cawaii this month. Personally, I think they should probably be sharing a double dildo and a cigarette, but maybe next time. More pictures over at OHNOTHEYDIDNT!

Drama Prospectus Winter 2007

I have been doing drama prospecti for a while on my private LJ, but what the hell? If I'm going to wade through a bunch of Touching Family Dramas and get right to the good stuff (well, good on paper at least), my toil should at least be able to save you a lot of hassle/perhaps tip you off to the undiscovered gem of the season. Remember, this isn't a complete list by any means, this is just a list of dramas that will most likely pique your interest, meaning I left out the dramas that are obviously for octogenarians.

Without further ado, both of us present...


Tokyo Tower 2007

Synopsis: A realistic portrayal of the love between parent and child."
Translation: Wake me up when Moco takes off his shirt.
Notable Actors: Hayami Mocomichi
Yao: I understand that the original book was widely acclaimed but I can really only take so many family dramas. Normally, I would toss this aside along with the NHK dramas but this is supposedly Moco's first "MON-9" (aka prime time) drama so I'll watch the pilot just in case.
Veronica: I'm gonna be real-- Moco is old meme until he either a. gets naked, or b. fucking does something interesting. I mean, I know, I know, he's only alive for us to stare at his tan and taut skin, but jesus, if I don't see some ass or fucking or both soon, it's on to a new man. Also, I don't like his orange hair.

Haikei, Chichiue-sama (Dear Father,)

Synopsis: Set in the traditional quarters of Kagurazaka, the story revolves around a traditional Japanese restaurant "Sakashita." The chef is Ippei (Ninomiya), who is trying to search for his father. His mother is a former geisha. Ippei's junior is Nakagawa (Yokoyama). - rough translation from official site.
Translation: It's hard to go wrong with food related comedies. Unless you're Teppan Shoujo Akane.
Notable Actors: Ninomiya Kazunari, Yokoyama Yu
Yao: It's supposed to be a comedy guys, despite the fact that the writer is the guy who did Yasashii Jikan. This is Nino's first role in a comedy since Stand Up!!, and just when I thought he'd leave forever into "i'm too much of a serious actor for dramas" land, he comes back with this. Do I sense the Nino+Yasashii Jikan writer relationship the new Kusanagi Tsuyoshi+Boku no Aruku Michi writer?
Veronica: This had better be funny, or else they are wasting two of the funniest males in JE. Seriously, if Yao and I could write for Nino and Yoko as leads, they would live in space, have super powers and share a room with Former President Andrew Jackson. But no, they're gonna be whining about familiar relations for 9 episodes and then one of them will die. Yawn.

Himitsu no Hanazono (Secret Garden)

Synopsis: Sonoda Natsuyo is a bumbling editor who is transferred to the shojo manga editorial department after the publication of her fashion magazine is discontinued. She is put in charge of popular manga writer Hanazono Yuriko, but later discovers that Hanazono is truly the creative effort of four weird brothers. - dramawiki
Translation: Let's guess which guy she's going to fall for! Hint: Probably not the 16 year old.
Notable Actors: Kaname Jun, Shaku Yumiko
Yao: If you google the name of the drama all you get is hentai?
Veronica: Kaname Jun is pretty hot. I may watch 1 episode of this just to see if that girl's head is as plasticky looking as it is in that picture. Oh, also, this reminds me of that stupid manga Fruits Basket where that developmentally disabled girl started living with some animals that were actually human brothers or something so she wouldn't die in a tent. Yao knows more about this because she is an otaku.

Konshuu, Tsuma ga Uwaki shimasu (This Week, My Wife Will Have An Affair)
Synopsis: Yusuke Santamaria plays a cuckolded husband to Ishida Yuriko's character, a career woman with an apparel company. - Dramawiki
Translation: Domestic violence, female empowerment, hot fashion.
Notable Actors: Yuusuke Santamaria, Ishida Yuriko
Yao: I enjoyed Yuusuke Santamaria back in Odoru Daisosasen and I do enjoy my DV dramas, but then again I'm not in my mid-thirties aka the target audience of this drama.
Veronica: Wahgnt.

Haken no Hinkaku (The Dignity of a Temporary Worker)

Synopsis: Haruko is a responsible and capable OL who earns 3,000 yen an hour and has 28 people under her charge. She, however, never cracks a smile, is cold, never minces her words and leaves the office on the dot. Haken no Hinkaku is a timely drama that examines the differences in the treatment of an OL dispatched by a food manufacturer to a supermarket and regular employees, and the ways to overcome frictions in interpersonal relationships. It follows in the wake of an October report on labor conditions by the Labor Ministry, which showed that the proportion of regular employees to OLs had doubled compared to that eight years ago, after a relaxation of regulations. - Dramawiki
Translation: Two parts Damensu Walker mixed with a little bit of Kimi wa Pet, minus the pet.
Notable Actors: Shinohara Ryoko, Kato Ai, EX-PRIME MINISTER KOIZUMI'S HOT SON
Yao: Ex-PM Koizumi's son is so hot. Yeah, I guess this means I'm watching this too.
Veronica: Wait, so they're making a show about labor conditions? "RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES-- a very special LABOR CONDITIONS-RELATED 'LAW AND ORDER'." And PM Koizumi's son had better be a damn good actor, because he's not THAT hot.

Erai Tokoro ni Yomeide Shimatta! (I've Been Married Off to A Terribly Good Place!)
Synposis: Kimiko is an unfeminine, sloppy wife who is a bad cook and housekeeper but is somehow mistaken for a "good wife" by her meddlesome, tradition-bound mother-in-law, Shimako. Isojiro is a good looking man who tries to please everybody around him. - Dramawiki
Translation: ...........
Notable Actors: Nakama Yukie, Tanihara Shosuke
Yao: And just when you thought Nakama Yukie was done with dramas where she plays some sort of bumbling character, here she is again. Don't get me wrong, I think Nakama is lovely (except for that horrid single she put out for KDDI AU, yuck) but I'm watching this for Tanihara Shosuke, who I've been in love with ever since he was in Ooku.
Veronica: I'm trying to be negative about this, but I have a feeling this will be hilarious and heartwarming. I have nothing to back this up but female intuition. (You're singing that song in your head right now, aren't you.)

Warui Yatsura (Bad Folks)
Synopsis: The last in a three-part adaptation of Matsumoto Seicho's works. Yonekura Ryoko plays a nurse who turns into a stalker (and murderer). In a slight deviation from the original storyline, the drama starts off with a nurse in love with a doctor, played by Kamikawa Takaya, and proceeds its depiction as her life spirals out of control. - Dramawiki
Translation: It's like a Kiraware Matsuko no Issho except not as good.
Notable Actors: Yonekura Ryoko aka the busted looking girl in our header.
Yao: I love dramas about how someone's life gets ruined.
Veronica: This is going to be hilarious to me. Unless it's really boring like Byakuyakou where they just wax poetic about love while killing people and stealing. Sigh. Just break the law so I can be entertained! I don't need your fake Bonnie and Clyde bullshit. The Japanese are almost more obsessed with Schadenfreude than us Americans!

Hana Yori Dango 2 (Very difficult to translate, a pun on "Pudding Before Praise")

Synopsis: Do we even need one? The continuation of ridiculously rich Domyoji Tsukasa's romancing of Makino Tsukushi.
Notable Actors: Matsumoto Jun, Inoue Mao, Oguri Shun, Matsuda Shota
Yao: If this sequel sucks, I am personally going to put glue in someone's drink. This is basically the most talked about drama, with random arashi fans tripping balls over it back in March or something.
Veronica: Okay, I'm going to be completely real with you. When the first Hana Yori Dango was announced I cried in the middle of my college's computer lab. Listen, shut up, I was hormonal and I had just gotten into Arashi. I pretty much memorized every episode of the anime and read all of the manga in like 7th grade. (this is the part where my friend Justin goes "NNNERD!") I mean, come on, think about this. Clearly Doumyoji Tsukasa and I are meant to be together. He is almost as badass as I am. Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh, right. This sequel is gonna be the jam. I don't know why Yao is being pessimistic; IKUTA FUCKING TOMA is in the very first episode playing this dude who almost rapes Tsukushi and then beats Domyouji's ass instead. I promise you it is almost as erotic as that time Tsukushi got dragged behind a car for cheating on him.

I don't even know why I wasted my breath on this-- you motherfuckers will watch anything with MJ in it.

Tokumei Kakarichou Tadano Hitoshi 3 (Hitoshi Tadano, the Extraordinary Undercover Detective 3)

Synposis: An incompetent and invisible “Mr. Nobody” at work, but turns into a sexy, handsome, and intelligent savior at night! A new type of super hero is here to stamp out social evil!
A new type of super hero is here! Tadano Hitoshi is an assistant manager of an advertisement company who seems to be nothing but a dull and incapable “nobody”. While most of the employees wonder why such a passive and incompetent person like Hitoshi is yet to be laid off, there is just one person who heavily relies on him as a “savior” to the company, the CEO. In fact, the “Mr. Nobody” is simply a disguise from the real Hitoshi, as he is under various special missions of the CEO to quietly carry on his “extraordinary ” task to fight against the corruption of the company. Originally from a big hit comic book!

Translation: How many boobs can we see in a half-hour?
Notable Actors: nobody actually but that doesn't matter
Yao: What the synopsis doesn't tell you is that this shows late and night and the protagonist makes women have orgasms just by looking at them. You wish I were kidding.
Veronica: I'm gonna watch it, but I'm a pervert.

Karei naru Ichizoku (The Magnificent Family)

Synopsis: Originally a novel by Yamasaki Toyoko, and later a 1974 movie. Manpyo Teppei is an executive managing director of a steel firm. The book depicts the conflicts within the Manpyo family, which is famous in Kansai's financial circles, amidst the tumultuous reorganisation of the financial industry of 1970s. Unlike the book, the eldest son, Teppei, and not the father, Daisuke, will be the central character of the story.
Translations: The problems of the rich and good looking!
Notable Actors: Kimura Takuya, Yamada Yu, Narimiya Hiroki, Yanagiba Toshiro
Yao: Let's all say it in unison: Kimutaku Drama. At long last. This and HYD2 are the reasons why they had to scrape the bottom of the actor barrel for everything else.
Veronica: Here's how this drama is gonna go-- Kimutaku rides in to town on motorcycle. He is wearing a leather jacket and tight designer khakis and his hair is blowing in the wind. He stops to give a little child some candy he has in his pocket, while remarking to himself that "he hopes he never has to chase around any damn rugrats of his own!" Oh he's a renegade, alright. As he lopes to his parents' humble house, he wonders how they will react when he tells them that he has decided to not take over the Family Business so he can follow his childhood dream 0f being a Shark Hunter. His mother weeps, his father threatens to cut him off, but Kimura-kun has heard it all before! He's gonna do whatever it takes to be the best Shark Hunter there is! That is, until his father's beautiful yet sassy gardener marches in, slaps him, and tells him he should respect his parents instead of being selfish. She tells him that when she was 8 her parents were eaten by bears as she watched helplessly, tied up by the rapist who was also attacking her in the same forest. Kimutaku is touched, and tries to hide his feelings for like nine fucking episodes, until the end when he gets his arm bitten off by a Shark off the coast of Chiba. Sitting in a hospital room, he realizes he will be alone forever, because the only woman he wants won't see him for some reason they never quite explain. But then! She shows up! With brownies! Incensed by her visage, he leaps out of bed, confesses his undying love, carries her to his motorcycle, and uses his stump to steer them into the sunset, this time with two heads of hair blowing in the wind.

Damn, I can't wait!

Enka no Joou (Enka Queen)

Synopsis: Himawari is an unsuccessful 39-year-old enka singer. She has bad luck with men and money. Born in an Osaka takoyaki shop, the young Himawari was inspired by her father's words to immerse herself in Japanese enka. However, when she was 13, her father disappeared. Her mother who'd remarried, treated her harshly. After graduating from high school, Himawari heads to Tokyo and makes her debut as an enka singer. - dramawiki
Translation: LOL.
Notable Actors: The lady from Joou no Kyoushitsu
Yao: I personally don't have enough patience for this, but if you dig enka then by all means be my guest.
Veronica: I'm too worn out from the last paragraph to write about this. Probably boring.

Kirakira Kenshuui (Sparking Doctor-in-Training)
Synopsis: The main character is Oda Usako, who is a new graduate from medical school who is in training in a local hospital. She's a bit of a klutz and causes some problems but she works with all her might and does her best!!! - rough trans from official site
Notable Actors: Konishi Manami, Eiji Wentz
Yao: What are they trying to do here? It's everything I hate: an episodic GANBARU! drama with the girl who sucked from Orange Days and a WaT member. I mean can I be real here? It's like they wanted to make a less sexist N's Aoi except they didn't have enough money for a reject JE member.
Veronica: Eiji Wentz is an example of Mixed Race Gone Wrong. I am at the other end of the spectrum, so I don't associate with flawed hybrids like him. And why is he so damn earnest?

Drama Special: Byakkotai

Synopsis: A re-make of the 1986 hit, which scored 80-percent in the Aizu district of Fukushima prefecture.
"Byakkotai" seems to be a story by which the content of the drama visits Byakkotai Memorial Hall by a modern young person who is the descendant of a Byakkotai samurai, and traces the history of the tragedy of the Byakkotai in the force organized by about 340 boys of 16 years old and 17 years old at Boshin War (Aizu war). Yamashita performs two roles (a Byakkotai samurai in the old days and the descendant's Shintaro Sakai)
- dramawiki
Translation: How do we get 14 year old girls into Japanese history? Let's call JE.
Notable Actors: Yamashita Tomohisa, Tanaka Koki, Overly Tan guy from some jrs. group, Higashiyama Noriyuki.
Yao: And this is the obligatory "let's endear the younger JE stars to the old folks" drama. I'm going to watch this for Higashiyama but how much you want to be he's going to be there for five seconds and the rest of the SP will just be YamaP running around in the forest giving speeches about how everything is a TEST OF THE HEART!!!
Veronica: Sounds gay. Literally. They are going to write a million fanfics about this.

Well, it seems like it's a chick drama season.

Monday, December 04, 2006

{Yao} And these are even more embarrassing

Supposedly taken on 11/23 in LA yet again.
Instead of stating the obvious about proper decorum you should practice if you have half of asia sucking on your dick when drunk, let's guess how many death threats we're going to get yet again.


Oh and ps, this post was on one of those Japanese threads and it's pretty much lol:

This is a true story, but there will be some who won't believe it.
Tanaka Koki goes to my college...and he sat next to me so we talked a lot (we exchanged email addresses and telephone numbers(^^♪)
Ater that, Koki got busy with work and couldn't come to school much, so I was a bit disappointed.
But, one afternoon I got a text message, and it was from Koki!
It said "I showed your picture to the other members and there was a good response. Also, your facial features are Jin's 'type'...he wants to meet you today so wait at the nearby TSUTAYA at 9pm.
After finishing school I went come and got like, totally cute and when I went to our meeting spot at 9, Jin was there!
He said, "Ah, hello. Are you the girl in the sha-mail? You're really cute." and I was really really flattered. After that we ate dinner, shopped...
"Well, let's get to the main course," he said.
"'Main'?" I asked and he said, "Look forward to it!" It was totally like a date and awesome.
The main course was Jin's house. "Nobody's home today, so no need to worry," he said and I relaxed.
When I entered his room, YamaP was there and he said, "Jin, yer late!"
"My bad, like I promised I brought her."
I was a little surprised but a bit happy. But, right then, Jin embraced me from behind. He grabbed both of my arms and threw me on the bed.
"Sorry, He's rough," said YamaP. After that Jin took off my clothes, and licked me all over.
YamaP said, "Let's do a threesome."
"Yeah. She'd like it too," said Jin.
I said, "Jin stop..." but Jin and Yamapi kept on going, and I was panting, and I was told, "Your voice is so cute," and "Let out more sounds, or else..." and I was raped by them two.


"Akanishi-kun's (language) class placement was class 3B out of 7, which is quite a dumb class. At that time (after placement), his excuse was, "The test results said I should be in level 5 but level 5 has too many Japanese people, so I told them to put me in level 3."

I generally hate all the JE jokes circulating around on the internet, but the source blog entitled these pictures JIN'S "NEW" REAL FACE? which you have to admit, is loltastic.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

{Yao} Only AA Thinking XXX

Free Image Hosting at
Based on your feedback, we've decided to a "great moments in scandal history" feature, because as human beings, it is our duty to learn from history. Or just laugh at it.

Anyway, remember back in high school when you were just weaning yourself off horrible anime and chinese dramas based on manga? Remember how the first "real" live action Japanese movie you managed to borrow from your friend was a movie called "Battle Royale," which you thought was hxxxxxcore because everyone pretty much dies? Well, one of the actresses, Kamiya Sayaka got BUBKA'd in the worst way possible February 2005 when she had her nude pictures printed.

Hmm, I wonder what's on her chest. And this is the "PG" picture too. There's a complete full frontal nude picture of her also but if I'm not mistaken, only women and gay men read this blog so I'll spare you the pre-brunch queasiness. If I am mistaken, and straight men for some reason also peruse this site, you can j.o. to it here. It's probably going to get baleeted anyway but you're not missing much.

The moral of the story is to destroy all the evidence BEFORE you embark on a messy breakup with your boyfriend.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

{VERONICA} Really, now.

Vogue Nippon awarded their 14th annual Women of the Year Awards earlier this week in Tokyo. Whatever, whatever, they do that awards shit all the time. But let's run down the list of the 14 winners:

1. figure skating gold medalist Arakawa Shizuka
2. model Anne
3. fashion designer Mori Hanae
4. artist Matsui Fuyuko
5. singer Koda Kumi,
6. TV newscaster Takigawa Christel
7. actress Momoi Kaori
8. actress Kikuchi Rinko
9. actress Sawajiri Erika
10. actress Nakatani Miki
11. actress Nagasawa Masami
12. actress Matsuyuki Yasuko

If you're smart, you're yelling WTF right along with me. One of the most esteemed fashion publications in all of Japan searched high and low for this year's female leaders in achievement, beauty, lifestyle and fashion, and they STILL put Koda Kumi.

This Koda Kumi?

This Koda Kumi?

This Koda Kumi?

THIS Koda Kumi?!!?!?!

Clearly there must be some mistake. And that mistake is not letting me judge these awards. I mean sure, my list would just be Takeuchi Yuko and Shiina Ringo alternated 10 times each, but it would still be better than any list containting Koda Kumi. I mean, I like Hamasaki Fucking Ayumi better than Koda Kumi, and she's fucking my man!

This is where you come in--in the comments, make your own Top 14! Who rocked your boat this year? Actresses, Models, Singers, Porn Stars, whatever. Make a list, get creative, and depending on the results you may contribute to one of the many Year End Lists Yao and I Are Planning on Doing But Probably Never Will!

...Just don't put Koda Kumi. For the love of God.

Friday, November 24, 2006

{Yao} Tsk tsk

How was Thanksgiving/Black Friday for all of you guys? Did anyone get hurt in a K-mart stampede? No? That's good to hear.

Let me start off by saying that I know several kids from Meiji Daigaku and they're not exactly tomorrow's future leader. In fact, I mostly know them through a go-con and they were mostly chosen for looks and "charm factor." Anyway, word on the street is that Tomohisa Yamashita aka "Yamapi" to those who are too lazy to type all that out, has "temporarily withdrawn himself" from Meiji.

But that's only half of it: the reason why he's "temporarily withdrawn himself" is because he's a cheating little bitch.

Okay, maybe he's not a 'little bitch.' Maybe. But there's lots of talk about how he cheats like no one's business and the school is covering up for him because of his status!

Salivating over the juiciness of this bit of news yet?

"I saw Yamapi writing tons of answers on his desk before the Commercial Sciences test in '04, when he was a freshman. There was a rumor that when he was a sophomore, he was caught cheating by the test proctor and got pissed off*'s a pretty famous story within Meiji." - source: Saizo

Apparently, it's well know that cheating is widespread in Meiji, and that this year they've taken extra steps to crack down on it, taking such measures as placing your name on a 'bulletin board of shame' and suspension. Maybe that's what happened to our darling little YamaP.

The most incriminating evidence is that he has only stopped coming to school this year after the strict policies have been enacted. I mean, I love partying but it seems like someone can't take the heat. Let me also add in this non-partisan completely impartial side comment that Sakurai Sho managed to attend an actually challenging school AND bothered to attend class without writing 8012 crib notes for his tests.

Speaking of buying your way (or 'fame-ing' your way) into semi-famous but not that mentally taxing schools and ex-NewS members, an inside source says that Koyama Keiichiro aka Fuggers McFugby, is also a cheatin' little bitch. What's more; he tries to badger other people into cheating for him! She also added that he was a complete bastard off-camera, which really needs not to be said because anybody that ugly and pseudo-famous clearly has to compensate in other areas.

That's all the news for now kids, you can start flaming us to uphold the honor and chastity of yr Johnny's boyfriends now!

*gyaku-gire, this means to get angry about something you have no right to be pissed about mostly because you were the one doing something bad.


Thursday, November 23, 2006


Well, for us Americans, it's officially the "Most Wonderful Time of the Year". I spent the majority of my day laying in bed drifting in and out of sleep and watching 5 straight hours of Nodame Cantabile. I haven't heard from Yao at all, but I also know she's just bought Final Fantasy XII (finally) so there goes any chance of her writing a post this weekend.

Anyway, because I'm too food-tired, lazy, and dreading my work day tomorrow to find some real news or do actual research on Yamapi apparently getting caught cheating on a test at Meiji this week, I'll let y'all in on another edition of "WHEN AMERICAN PEOPLE MEET JAPANESE STARS AND ACT LIKE ASSHOLES." This one comes from another anonymous (to you anyway) tipster and tells the story of what really happens when you meet Miyavi in a lingerie store: absolutely nothing. Can we talk about how Miyav/bi is the most overrated, completely retarded rockstar anyhow? Clearly none of you 12 year old Jrockers remember when he was ugly, pimply and untalented in Due le Quartz like 7 years ago. With that lead singer who looked like a shrew. It was a dark point in my life, but at least I know now this dude is nothing to write home about instead of wasting money on some overblown, overpierced, glorified fetish model with a hankerin' for the brand new Pink! pajama sets (on sale now for $50!)

Whatever, I'll shut up now and go take (my third) nap. From here on out is copied and pasted from an email, so don't send your boyfriend to sue me over it or anything, ok?

"I am no fan of Miyavi, but seeing some known Jrocker at a mall in the San Fernando Valley was rather odd.

I came out of "The Children's Place" or whatever that store is called and then him and his staff/friends walked passed me and without thinking I was like, "OH MY GAWD THAT'S MIYAVI!" I never even wondered why he would be in America. I recognized the nose and lip ring right away and followed him and his groupie but when I asked one of the staff/friend person, "Excuse me, is that Miyavi-san?" and the staff guy said, " Erm. No. yeah...." and walked off talking to Miyavi. But I was like, "Dude, no one has a nose ring and lip ring like those except Miyavi." thus I stalked him around half the mall and ended up at... VICTORIA'S SECRET.

WHAT THE HELL? Even I don't shop at that store. So I saw this Japanese looking person and said, "Hey, is that Miyavi?" and the girl said, "No. I don't know..." and I said, "Are you Japanese?" and she said, "yes." and I left her alone, but alas, she was also one of his friends that I didn't know until about muchhh later. So I acted like I was interested in a pink sweater and then I turned around and lo-and-behold, there is Miyavi holding a pink sweater. Then he asks the saleslady in a very accented voice, "Excuse me, may I try this on?" and the lady literally looked like O_O and said, "Um, what? Try it on?" and he said, "Yes' and she was smiling really big and he said, "Why are you smiling?" and she said, "It's nothing. You go straight down and you'll find it."

Then I followed him a few feet behind and finally his groupie didn't follow him so I knew that I could talk to him personally. I waited outside the dressing room looking at t-shirts and I heard other saleswomen saying, "A man walked into the dressing room!" and I was like, "...." I waited and waited and finally he walked out and I walked up to him and said, "Ano, suimasen demo... sa... anata wa Miyabi-san desuka?"

and he said, "Yes...?!" and I said, "Could I please take a picture with you?" and he said, "Hm? What?" and I said, "Ano, shashin..." and he did an X with his arms/hands and said, "No no ;_;" so I said, "Ah, but please?" and he said, "I am so sorry, but no." (and I recognized his tattoos on his hand and knew for sure that it was Miyavi) BUT AT LEAST HE FREAKING SAID HE WAS MIYAVI AND DIDN'T LIE LIKE HIS STUPID STAFF. Ahaha, but they were probably lying for security measures or they thought that I was a rabid fangirl. Going on, he said, "Ah, sa~in ga hoshii?"

and I said, "Que? Oh. Ah... hai hai??" and he acted like he was giving an autograph and I said, "Okay!" and he said, "Come come!" and I said, "Ah... ah... but!" and he said, "Come with me." and I said, "Are you sure?" and he said, "yesyes." so I followed him and realized that his groupie knew me and was probably going to shoot me and said, "AH! DEMO DEMO!" and he said, "Nnn?" and I said, "Your staff... they will be mad." and he said, "No no, come with me!" and I was like, "@_____@ DAMN." so I followed and his groupie was staring at me like this .________. but I totally ignored them.

He asked his groupie for a pen and asked if I had anything to sign on. I was like, "Can't we just take a picture? I really like your clothes..." and he said, "Sorry!" and one of his groupie people said, "Sorry, but he can't take pictures. Do you have paper?" but I didn't and she told me to hand over a dollar bill (WHY THE FRICK DID I HAVE TO WASTE A DOLLAR ON MIYAVI?!) and he tried to sign in but the pen didn't work. [SIDE NOTE: Apparently Miyavi never takes pictures with fans, as he's afraid they'll end up the internet (wat, never). It happened before, I guess, when he was drunk, but J-Rock fandom is inane and retarded in that they save NOTHING (I had to ride their ass for like ten minutes before the one person who saved the pic before the OP took it down would share) so I have no evidence of his one tabloid adventure. :< ]

So he got another pen and signed it and asked my name and I said, "Tara..." and he said, "T-A-R-A?" and I said, "Yup!" and he signed it and smiled and said, "Thank you." and I said, "Hontou ni arigatou gozaimasu~" and bowed and stuck out his hand so I shook (is that a real word?) his hand looking semi-confused and he said, "Bye!" so I said, "Thank you, good bye." and left feeling rather dazed.

Because he didn't let me take a picture with him, I went upstairs and my mother and I was looking down at Victoria's Secret and waited about 20~40 minutes so that he could come out from the shop and I could take a picture from afar but it was so... um, hard to wait? I don't know why he was shopping for so many things at that store and he had like a whole bunch of things with him that he was going to buy. Finally he came out and I took a picture, accidently with flash on and he looked around but never looked up so I turned off the flash and took about 6 pictures more. So I have a picture of Miyavi, but not with him. Oh well.

So now I have a dollar that says, "Dear Tara" with his signature and date and I realized that he could have just signed my Orbit gum box. Damn."

The autograph'd dollar bill

The Miyavi sekrit pic she took

The BEST part though is the reactions these J-Rock fans are having. This email is already tl;dr but here is a fine selection of the trolling comments left on her myspace and LJ, UNALTERED~

"This can't be true, it just can't...otherwise I will die..."

"I hate that girl. She's like "why did I have to waste a one dollar bill on miyavi" I left her two coments repremanding her. I hate it when non-fans meet celebrities just for autographs and stuff. and devoted fans don't get the chance. There's a bunch of people in america who meet jrock bands yet they don't know them at all. >.<><-- [SIDE NOTE: Who is excited about meeting fug americans. Besides Jin.]

"as a true miyavi fan. I hate you. Seriously I would waste 100$ bill on him if I got the chance to meet him and he would offer his signature. "

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

{Yao} Burrrrrn

Yes, that is stack of sake next to the obviously underage Sawajiri Erika aka "I'm dying in yet another disease-related drama" girl. But you all probably don't care much about yet another underage idol caught implicitly drinking/smoking, what we have is an exclusive inside source about how much of a bitch Erika is.

Our source says she was once good friends with her but had a (quite understandable) falling out after Erika decided to talk a lot of shit and was generally condescending.

But of course, payback's a bitch.

According to our source, "She's a total loner now. Just two days ago my [girlfriend] and I bumped into her at a bar, and she was ALONE."

Ladies and gentlemen, that is what happens when you're too cool for school.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

{Veronica} We're not a JE blog. JE just sucks at life more.

Readers have requested we start keeping track of Hello!Project news so we can report it here. It's not as much of a chore as I would have thought it would be (you get used to their shrill, hamster-like voices after awhile), so expect more from that camp in the future. Maybe. If I'm not in Internetz Jail by 7PM tonight.

There is one universal truth about Japan-- if even they think you're too thin, you're probably already dead. This may just be true for Yoshizawa Hitomi, eldest member and current leader of the latest Morning Musume generation. Yoshizawa had embraced her sporty, boyish (read: totally butch) persona for years, but with her becoming leader last year, it seems the "stress" and "pressure" of her job have led to a dramatic loss in weight, alarming the press and her fans.

A better comparison of her shrinking frame can be found below:

Normal Yossie

Weirdly Stickish Yossie

You be the judge.

Friday, November 17, 2006




The best part about this Never Before Seen, Hot Off the Presses Jin Party Picture is NOT the tan idol, but the creepy woman on the left with the eyebrows. (Shudder) Even better, this picture is from her myspace.

Even better than that, this is the key quote from it, which I think explains a lot about her: "Dating wise, I'm strictly asian boys only. Don't judge me." Seriously, don't judge her. She's just trying to live her life. Asian Style.

Even better than that, a secret secret source given to me by my bff Jaclyn (seriously, I'm gonna sleep with her someday for this) reveals what really happened between Gothy McBrows and Jin. The MSN conversation between Elvira and her friend is very long and telling, so we're not posting it all, but here are some ~*~*~juicy~*~*~ highlights:

{on his blossoming alcoholism}
***** says:
Haha, he was drunk last night.
***** says:
He said he had 5 vodka shots. xDD

{on something that probably didn't even happen}
????? says:
He's a fast kisser though.

{on whether she would sleep with him}
***** says:
Yeah, well...look at this way, if I did, I'd just be an American fling. But since I got his number, I plan on hanging out with him and becoming better friends.

{on his english skillzzz}
***** says:
He can say enough. xD Like, "Can I sleep with you?"

Grody. As this is totally late breaking news, info is still flying at us from various sources. We'll keep editing this post so you can keep lol'ing about it.

Have an awesome Friday night, babies! Maybe one of you will get drunk and sleep with Jin! And then email us to show the pictures off!

edit (11/17/06 8:00PM): i've removed the link to Emily the Strange's myspace because chinese blogs have now found it and they will actually fly to L.A. with knives. KNIVES.

edit (11/18/06 9:00AM): Holy shit, it's only 9 in the morning but we already have 3,000+ hits? Someone pass around a round of drinks.

edit (11/18/06 3:00PM): OH HELLO THERE どうしてコメントまで通訳してんの?ところで、うちのサイトは"悪意満々のジャニーズ安置サイト"じゃないわよ。だって、ジャニーズ大好きだもん。

edit (11/19/06 1:00PM) Amanda (Gothic Girl) denies all charges in the comments and in emails between herself and the site. She is concerned about Jin's reputation and wishes that the commenters would stop being so harsh about her. While Cho Scandalous understands and respects her concern, this version of events is more hilarious, so we're sticking with this one. Also, sup Shanghai, Seoul, Jakarta, Singapore, Tokyo, Beijing, Hong Kong, Guangzhou, and Manila? Thanks for the ten thousand hits you gave us while you left hate messages over and over! You're making us a shitload of money on our click program!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

{Yao} Peruvian is the new black

The Kinki Kids are at it again this year with another Christmas/Winter single.

"It appears that the Kinki Kids will be snow fairies, who try to grant the little girl (in the video)'s wishes."

Y'all can hate on the poncho but I personally believe that anything that makes Johnnys men look as hispanic as possible is fabulous.
Wait a few months and Matsujun is going to be poncho-ing it up in HYD2.

Speaking of HYD2, word on the street is that they're filming in NYC. Don't worry I've sent out my gay friend to be on the lookout when he attends clubs that are frequented by fobby asian men.

Hurry up and watch the clip before YouTube baleets it!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

{Yao} Oh jesus christ it's actually real

You have to admit when people first were freaking out about Tegomass in Sweden, it pretty much sounded like some "BETTER THAN BOTOX?!" deal that was in reality the product of lots of photoshop and Korean fangirls. I mean how could you blame the skeptics?

Well now we have actual video footage AND a radio rip. What the hell is the world coming to?


The video looks like they want to be the Kinki Kids so badly except they had like less money for the music video and like, Sclub7's reject songwriter.

I have a few questions for you:

1) What is the point of releasing a song in English that is unintelligible. I mean, Shakira has a pretty weird sounding voice when she sings in English and she sure as hell slurs half her words but at least I could understand maybe 5 words. This song, on the other hand, sounds like two Japanese guys who failed english class trying to sing some A*Teens song at karaoke. Oh wait....
2) Hey, I know what a great debut single would be, a song about yr mom!!! I mean really folks, they already look like they're 12, there's no need to add fuel to the pedophile fires.

Wait, people actually want to buy this single?

Monday, November 13, 2006

{VERONICA} we had almost decided to stop doing kattun news :(

Things I hate:
1. Akanishi Jin
4. Anime Musicals in general

Somehow though, I've been tapped to write about them. THIS IS NOT HOW I WANTED TO SPEND MY FAKE "SICK DAY".

An email mole tipped us off to this rare interesting post over at kattunlove (most things at kattunlove ARE interesting, but in that way where you're at the zoo and you're watching the monkeys throw feces at each other and then eat it. You know.). It would seem that Shirota Yuu's batshit crazy spanish mother went off on a tirade about the entertainment business on a radio show and her comments seemed to be supporting Jin in his time of Deep Educational Turmoil. (Hands up if you have or know a crazy spanish mother and can totally relate to this. )In true fangirl style however, the commenters spend entirely too much time translating the article and come to the conclusion that she is crazy and could be saying fucking anything. They actually don't even know if she's speaking cryptically about her son, or Jin! They also seem to think that Shirota's mother is either supporting Jin, or slandering JE and trying to get publicity for D-Boys, the second largest boys' talent agency in Japan. NO SHIT, SHIRLOCK. This is such bullshit, why am I even posting this again?

And why should Shirota Yuu's mom even give a shit about Akanishi Jin? Jin and Yuu, along with Yamapi are part of what i like to call the Idol Cabal, which consists most of the attractive men from HoriKoshi Academy just fucking girls. All the time. I know it happens. Idol Cabal alumni include Ikuta Toma, Hasegawa Jun, Koike Teppei, and Matsujun. Jimmy Mackey is a member too, but he went to an International School and no one wants to fuck him except for me. So they're like, brothers in fucking, and Shirota's mom says he's like a son to her, and she's mad about how the entertainment business is treating him.

Or, she's actually talking about Shirota Yuu, and he really IS her son, and she's mad about how the entertainment business is treating him.

I fucking hate kattunlove.

Yao Edit: I did a translation of the not redundant places in the comments. This lady is fucking crazy, basically she's like OY CHICOS I'M SPANISH SO I DO WHAT I WANT FUCK YOU JOHNNY'S ENTERTAINMENT! YEAH SEND YR YAKUZA AFTER ME I'LL SLAP THEM all because some chinese fans are claiming on the blogs that Jin is a deserter. The translations at kattun love suck a dick and fail to realize that she's talking about Jin and not her own son (well mostly, i'm sure she's also upset about chinese fans like, e-sucking on her son's dick) She manages to blame assassination threats, sex depravation, youth crime, and basically all that is wrong with the world on the media and JE and compares them to North Korea. She makes herself a martyr of 'speaking out against the man' and she also is a publicity whore in general and basically tells the Japanese people that they're lying pussies.

Goddamn she wins the obnoxious gaijin of the year award. And I thought I won it when I cut in front of a line of like 100 people for free samples in Shibuya.

Also, I also wish we had other news NOT about gay ass Jin but what can I say he's like the Paris Hilton of J-ent.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

{Yao} Wat?

what is this faggotry

Don't tell me JE is going to try to do that 'let's debut in america'* thing again. I bet they're all like THIRD TIME'S A CHARM!!!!

Can we talk about how it's under the 'REGGAE' section?
Can we talk about how it's WAL-MART?

God, how low are you going to sink Kattun?

Here is why Kattun can not make it in america:
1. American people, according to the iTunes download ranking (which never lies!!!) like Justin Timberlake, Beyonce, Jamz, and whiny indie bands. Kattun is none of the above.
2. In America, we won't stand for music in oriental pig latin.
3. Kattun look like fagz.
4. They don't have a song about them being Japanesey.
5. Did I mention we like Jamz?
6. Koki looks like he has that disease where he ages too quickly.
7. $13.88 is a pretty steep price for a Kattun CD.
8. There are no hot latinos/as in Kattun.
9. If Shounentai couldn't make it nobody can!!11

*First Four Leaves, then Shounentai and now KTTUN?

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

{Yao} Where in the World is Akanishi Jin 2

Today has been a very good day. Dems have swept both house and senate and Rumsfeld has finally sucked a dick and resigned. Oh and I gave myself a manicure and my nails look fabulous.

Enough of heavy topics, let's talk about how Jin managed to suck even more dick.

Apparently, the school Jin finally decided to enroll in a specialty school only identified as "Language System" in Korean Town, LA, a specialty school that teaches its students middle school level english. He enrolled at the end of October and the latest news is that he's already dropped out.

The official take on this is that there were too many Japanese students there and that they caused too much uproar to let him be. The coordinator says that she's looking for another program for him to enroll in, but all programs in the area have a high concentration of Japanese students.

"If he truly wants to study in peace, he has to go to a school filled only with Americans."
Um lol all that will do is replace giggling cell-phone picture taking Japanese girls with screaming anime t-shirt wearing American girls.

"However, American schools start in September so it's already too late, plus Akanishi's language skills are a problem."
iawtc. Jin, do you actually want to learn English? How much effort would it have taken to google when the American school system starts?

"Where will he go next?"
Even Japanese people are getting impatient. I'd highly recommend Malta. That's where my dad and Kim Jong Il learned English and how many girls with horrible english from Malta spam your forums requesting for kattun files?
God forbid if Jin decides that he needs to learn English in like, Hong Kong, but maybe we'll get lucky and some batshit crazy fan will put glue in his drinks.

Oh and other hot topic seems to be 'KAMENASHI PLASTIC SURGERY SUSPICIONS.'
Listen Japanese blogs, I know how much you all love old meme but this is ridiculous.
However, I am too lazy to photoshop a picture of Jin being attacked by fangirls so a fugly picture of kame will have to do.


Tuesday, November 07, 2006

{Yao} ATTN:

Dear Readers,

Did that half naked picture of Nagase grab your attention? It did? Good.
We're going to start a Q&A section for slow news days because we know we're going to run out of fugly Kame pictures sooner or later and I doubt you want a day by day tracking of Ayu's waistline.

Anyway, please email/comment/tag board your questions about anything J-ent related.

Have you always wanted to know what Koda Kumi looks like without make-up on?
Wonder what percentage of Gackt's face is plastic?
Curious as to why Glay is still around even though they are clearly fug?

Ask away! Veracity of answers may vary.

{Yao} Aaaawkward!

The best and worst thing about the Japanese celebrity world is the lack of nip slips. The only one I manage to find is this unfortunate screencap of Dou Mariko from Music Station Super Live 2005 when she decided that silk + bras = EMBARRASSING BRA LINES! except that she forgot that she is not, in fact, barbie and actually has nipples. It's a shame because that dress is actually cute.
Moral of the story: when in doubt, get pasties!

These are quite a few underwear slips. Well, in Koda Kumi's case I doubt it was so much of a 'slip' as a friendly 'hay sup.'
Ayu, on the other hand, has no excuse for such ugly underwear. That shit is straight up granny underwear; how is Nagase supposed to rip it off with his teeth if it has 8012 square yards of fabric and like 6 bows? Whatever, if Britney can dump Kevin, then I firmly believe that Nagase can finally realize that silicon is not a toy and that he can produce 6 feet tall slender and gorgeous children with Ito Misaki


Monday, November 06, 2006

{VERONICA} by the way...

Our links box is looking a little lonely-- if you blog about Asian stuff, own a sweet LJ community for fashion/music/art/culture, or even have an awesome website about pop culture, we'll exchange links with you! Let us know over there in that cute little talkbox on the left.

{Yao} OH?しゃれ: Mika Nakashima

To me, fashion is even more serious business than the internet is. Therefore, on slow news days I've decided that making fun of celebrity stylists (what? as if any famous person in Japan actually dresses themselves) will suffice.

Today's victim is Mika Nakashima. Now, don't get me wrong I think Mika is very pretty and can be classy if she wants to be. However, what the hell is up with this faggotry?

What happened to her during the shooting of NANA that has made her embrace the whole 'derelict' look and look like she's a victim of famine and genocide?

Make that a victim of famine, genocide and the goths.

Ironically the top picture is for a charity event she attended with Mandy Moore and N.E.R.D. to raise money for the tsunami.
Too bad this is an asian entertainment blog but Mandy Moore is out-porking even Ayu amirite?

Sunday, November 05, 2006

{VERONICA} yeah, i'm a lardass, but at least i'm not famous!

"'When she sang loudly during the chorus she got a double chin, and her upper arms were soft and flabby, a lot thicker than before. It's not surprising that fans were shocked.' - says a music writer"

Just when you thought the Bitch Fight was over... Koda Kumi has picked a new target; the Queen of J-Pop! And if Ayu's the type of girl who gains weight from stress, it looks like it's a losing battle. Could everyone's favorite little Pug Faced Prostitute take over the title?

[21:58] yao: ps juicy rumor of the moment: koda kumi might be the reason why ayu is fat
[21:59] veronica: wat
[21:59] veronica: did she put poison fat in her water bottle or something
[22:00] yao: lol no i didn't read it closely but something about the competition causing stress so koda kumi has moved up from otsuka ai and is now taking on ayu and making her fat
[22:00] veronica: oh dear god
[22:00] veronica: ayu has unacceptably low self esteem then
[22:00] veronica: i fuckin hate that bitch
[22:00] veronica: she lets koda kumi make her fat
[22:01] veronica: then she goes home and wobbles on top of nagase's cock
[22:01] veronica: and then she goes shopping
[22:01] veronica: what the fuck
[22:01] yao: omg
[22:01] yao: can you please write all of that in yr post


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