Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I KNOW AT LEAST SIX OF YOU READ THIS

okay, for real though, hi internets!


maybe i'll buy a domain later idk w/e

Thursday, April 08, 2010

hi internets!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

METHHHHH



Akasaka Akira a.k.a. the weirder looking one of the two Hikaru Genji members left is apparently a total methhead. "He was found with a gram of methamphetamine stimulant drugs in the early hours of Sunday morning when stopped by police on the street in Tokyo's Toshima Ward." Ahahahaha, can we all just picture him leaning out of the window of the drivers side with bloodshot eyes all like "but officer, I thought that was rock candy." And to add insult to injury Johnny's fired his ass on Monday.

HAY GUYS IT ALL MAKES SO MUCH SENSE.

Look at this picture.

and then look at these pictures

BEFORE


AFTER



Let's start placing bets on how long it will be before Atsuhiro drops out because of some drug scandal. You know they're all doing coke.

source

Catching up with Sawajiri Erika

It's been awhile since we updated the masses on the adventures of Sawajiri Erika, Japan's most famous bitch. It looks like Snaggletooth has been quite busy in the past month or so. Let's run down some of the things we've heard about her in passing:

  • 10/02/07- Weekly Asahi reports that a completely obliterated Sawajiri and 4 male members of her staff made an appearance at a Tokyo gay club. According to the weekly tabloid, she then proceeded to do a "wild" table dance, causing her slinky dress to reveal her booooobies. Her management of course denies the allegations of drinking and debauchery, but come on, would we really put it past her?

  • 10/05/07- Issued a formal apology on her website regarding her toootally cunty antics at Closed Note PR events throughout Tokyo. Wada Akiko shames her on TV and the media brands the young starlet the "Japanese Paris Hilton". Ouch. Says Sawajiri's statement, "“It’s all my fault, and I must take responsibility for my actions. I really apologize for disappointing my fans and betraying their trust. As a professional actress, my actions were not appropriate. I promise to learn from this experience.” She also mentions that she let her private life interfere with her work, but her attitude had nothing to do with the film or any of its cast or crew. Sounds like a publicity stunt to us, as the shenanigans launched Closed Note to the number 3 box office spot on its opening week.





  • A recent issue of Asahi's FLASH magazine slams the notorious diva with details of a recent SPA! interview where she not only greeted her interviewer with only a "Good Morning" in passing (omg), but made spoiled demands for water and AC throughout the interview. In a poll conducted by FLASH, it is revealed that 62.7 percent of people polled in Japan "dislike or hate" Sawajiri. That about matches up to opinion polls for Paris Hilton's popularity in the States. Says a FLASH idol critic (how can we get this job?), "She is cheeky, often late and shows bad manners during speeches or interviews, but the world of show business would be boring without her.” The man has a point.

  • 10/16/07- Sawajiri is named one of Oricon's Top Fashion Leaders despite the bad press she has recieved earlier in the month.

  • 10/18/07- The latest issue of tabloid Josei Seven uncovers pictures of Erika holding hands on a date with Takashiro Tsuyoshi, a 43 year old "hypermedia creator". He looks like a demon rapist and there is clearly no such job as "hypermedia creator".



  • 10/20/07- Sawajiri is rumored to lose her lucrative Subaru contract after being outed as a catty twat. Subaru maintains that her adverts stopped airing as a result of the campaign being over. Yeah right, you guys also told us Global Warming didn't exist. Other rumors contend Erika is going to live in a nunnery for a period of time (the Japanese version of "Rehab"?) and that she will marry her lecherous boyfriend and retire to the United States.

  • 10/25/07- Sawajiri sits for a photoshoot with Ninagawa Mika for Sabra magazine. We like to call this look "Lady Marmalade". Hey Sister, Soul Sister...Creole Lady Marmaladeeedededede!



Saturday, October 27, 2007

Your videos of the day




Yao found this gem on Visual Fucks tonight and we felt we owed it to the world to show this to you. There's like some crazy serial killer like 38 seconds again who lurks in the shadows. What's up with that?

We started clicking on the related videos links and it turns out VISUAL FANS ARE CRAZY.





I HIDE IN THE DARKNESS

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Comment Links Fixed!

I fixed this thing so you can comment on the main entries. We must have baleeted it when we redesigned the site. Not that there was anything you can comment on now because all the entries are old as shit. I was actually going to make a post today, and right before I pressed "Publish!" I noticed all of my information that Yao translated was from January 2005. So that's out. Ugh, fuck it, I'm going to take a nap. Bye, babies.

----------------
Now playing: Christopher Cross - Sailing

Monday, October 01, 2007

No translation needed for Sawaeri's extreme bitchiness during a promo event for her new movie "Closed Note." Just sit back and watch her answer every question with one-liners.





I love how they try to explain away her curtness by telling the audience that she's been to over 100 PR events and therefore was tired. K w/e.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Drama Prospectus Autumn 2007

We were thinking about doing after the fact reviews of the summer 2007 drama season but a) we don't feel like watching all the shit that's playing on tv right now and b) it's always a lot more fun to make fun of shows that we don't really have an idea of what they're about. Without further ado we give you...

~Drama Prospectus Autumn 2007~

Tantei Galileo (Detective Galileo)
Begins: 10/15
Who's in it: Fukuyama Masaharu, Shibasaki Kou
Synopsis: In "Tantei Galileo," Fukuyama plays a brilliant but eccentric physicist who solves difficult mysteries. He teams up with a rookie detective (played by Kou Shibasaki), whose personality is the complete opposite of his.
Translation: "Bill Nye the Science Guy solving mysteries...with a downtempo acoustic opening theme song."
Yao: It's like every time you get into the top ten An An rankings some Fuji TV exec materializes out of thin air and gives you a starring role in some drama
Veronica: His name isn't really gonna be Galileo, right? I don't know, I think he's sexy. I've never seen him act before-- I hope he's funny. And wear glasses, as that's sexy too. Watch out for Shibasaki Kou's eternal Death Stare! She looks like a fucking demon.


Abarenbo Mama (Rowdy Mama)
Begins: 10/16
Who's in it: Ueto Aya, Oizumi Yo
Synopsis: The comical home drama stars Ueto as the strong-minded Ayu, who has just married a divorced man (Yo Oizumi), despite a 12-year age difference and contrasting backgrounds (she grew up by the sea while he was raised in the city), as well as a 5-year-old son from his first marriage. While Ayu and her husband have their disagreements at home, she also gets in arguments with people outside the house, such as the other mothers at her son's kindergarten.
Translation: "Why didn't you guys watch Hotelier? It's okay though, we've given Ueto Aya another chance to burrow her way into your 15-30 year old hearts."
Yao: Ugh, I'm annoyed already and all I've done is copy & paste the synopsis.
Veronica: Ueto Aya always plays the same stupid character, just with new counterparts to piss off. I want to know who the hell her fans are.



Swan no Baka (Stupid Swan)
Begins: 10/16
Who's in it: Narimiya Hiroki, Kamikawa Takaya
Synopsis: Kamikawa takes the lead as Daisuke Suwano, a 40-year-old salaryman married to former co-worker Masumi (Misako Tanaka). Because his daughter is taking entrance exams, Daisuke is forced to live on only 30,000 yen a month. Hiroki Narimiya plays Kawase, an IT company manager who works in the same building as Suwano's office, while Hitori Gekidan plays a deputy manager of the building's cafe.
Translation: watatatatata
Yao: This is the type of drama that my dad watches before falling asleep 15 minutes into the episode. I can't hate on it though, look at that beautiful swan spreading it's wings like a majestic emperor.
Veronica: Wait, so what is this about? I've read the synopsis eight times and I still don't get it (and don't care).

Yukan Club (Leisure Society)
Begins: 10/16
Who's in it: Akanishi Jin, Yokoyama Yuu, Taguchi Junnosuke, Suzuki Emi
Synopsis: The story is a comedy revolving around six wealthy and popular high school students who solve mysteries and in their free time, amuse themselves lavishly. Akanishi plays Miroku Shochikubai, the son of the police commissioner.
Translation: "THE, LIKE, YOUNG HOT TEEN DRAMA OF THE SEASON!!11 ~*~and~*~ hay guyz new kattun single!!!"
Yao: Why the fuck is everyone solving mysteries this season? I can't hate on anything Yoko is in unless it's extremely boring, and Yukan Club is my early 80s shojo comic jam.
Veronica: This should be better than Yoko's last snore of a drama, and he better work it out and be hilarious, because I am not the type of woman who just up and spends an hour a week on two members of KAT-TUN.


Hataraki-man (Working Man)
Begins: 10/10
Who's in it: Kanno Miho, Hayami Mocomichi
Synopsis: The story revolves around Hiroko Matsukata, an editor of a weekly magazine. Hiroko is so focused on her work that she has no time for romance, and others refer to her by the nickname "hataraki man" ("working man").
Translation: "Juicy OL drama of the season."
Yao: I love anything penned by Moyoko Anno. Also, I feel like this is going to be the drama Veronica and I are going to watch every weekend over kettlecorn and orange fanta.
Veronica: Well it's more like cheez balls and Smirnoff Ice, but whatever, I agree. I'm really happy That Ugly Guy isn't in it so I can enjoy it to its fullest.


Joshi Deka (Mrs. Detective)
Begins: 10/18
Who's in it: Nakama Yukie,
Synopsis: Nakama plays an enthusiastic rookie cop whose only strong point is her marksmanship, while Izumi plays a veteran detective with the #1 arrest rate. The two work together to solve crimes, despite differences in their ways of thinking.
Translation: "The softer, washer-friendly chick version of the first half hour of Law&Order."
Yao: Wahhhhhhgt.
Veronica: Double Wahhhhhhgnt.

Utahime (Diva)
Begins: 10/12
Who's in it: Nagase Tomoya, Okura Tadayoshi, Sato Ryuta, Aibu Saki, Saito Yuki, Judy Ong
Synopsis: Nagase plays a fist-fight-loving transient who has lost all memory of his memories because of the war. Set in the post-war 1950's in Kochi prefecture, this drama will be a comedy as well as a 'sad love story' and will be full of 'local flavor.' - My own translation because Dramawiki's was crap.
Translation: More shirtless Nagase fights!!!
Yao: Hands down my Most Anticipated Drama of the season. I mean anything that has Nagase beating the shit out of people as well as old idols can't be all that bad.
Veronica: Wait, so does he play the diva? I'm predicting a Best Lead Actor win for Nagase Tomoya for this one, and I'm not just saying this because I want to be his love slave. Japanese people love the shit out of post-war Ganbare! folktales almost as much as they love the shit out of 'sad love stories'. (That means someone dies, btw.) Nagase's really come into his own as an actor as well-- you know you were misty at the end of My Boss My Hero!

Mop Girl
Begins: October
Who's in it: Kitagawa Keiko, Tanihara Shosuke
Synopsis: Kitagawa plays the part of the slow but hardworking Momoko, a low-ranking employee at a funeral services company who carries a mop as part of her job. However, Momoko happens to possess a strange ability. Whenever she comes across the corpse of someone who has left strong feelings behind, she travels back in time to save that person from his or her fate.
Translation: WITCHERY!
Yao: You know, ever since Docomo came out with those 2.0 ads, I've always wondered whose dick she had to suck to become a poster girl. I mean Anna Tsuchiya just did Sakuran, Aoi Yu is my BFF, stupid looking girl was just recently in a Matsujun drama, and the rest of the menz are all quite well established. But KitaKei? All she really has on her resume is the role of Hot Asian Chick in Tokyo Drift and Sailor Mars (lolll). But I stand corrected as now she's going to join the ranks of Kanno Miho and Nakama Yukie and star in her very own Tanimura Shosuke drama.
Veronica: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 'Mop Girl'. Oh also, this is shadily like the premise to the upcoming ABC hit Pushing Daisies.

Dream Again
Begins: 10/13
Who's in it: Sorimachi Takashi, Kato Ai, Shida Mirai
Synopsis: Shunsuke is a former pro baseball player who dreams of returning to the sport. An unfortunate accident gets him killed, but God lends him someone else's body so that he can realize his dream of playing baseball again
Translation: GOD LOVES SORIMACHI TAKASHI TOO
Yao: When am I going to see his Genghis Khan movie?!
Veronica: Oh my God, I fucking love baseball dramas. Which is weird, because I fucking hate baseball.

SP [Security Police]
Begins: 11/3
Who's in it: Okada Junichi
Synopsis: Okada plays Kaoru Inoue, a member of a police escort division. Ever since losing his parents at a young age, he has possessed heightened senses and a photographic memory. He also has other skills, such as analyzing footprints. His boss is being played by Shinichi Tsutsumi.
Translation: Law&Order: Criminal Intent with hotter men
Yao: I hope he has to go undercover somewhere where he needs to quick change from a tux into a diving suit.
Veronica: When I first saw the title, I thought this was about rent-a-cops. I figured a comedy about like, mall security wouldn't be that bad. But its just another cop show in a season full of cop shows. Are crime rates up or something? I'll watch it because I'm hoping Okada can see ghosts or something in it.

Hatachi no Koibito (20-year-old lover)
Begins: 10/14
Who's in it: NagaMi, Sanma, Tsukamoto Takashi, Koizumi Kyoko
Synopsis: The story is described as a romantic comedy between the middle-aged Akashiya and the 20-year-old Nagasawa.
Translation: We had a couple of scenes left over from Joudan Ja Nai!
Yao: Wait, didn't you just get married to an older man last season? Also, she's been picked by Kudo Kankuro for his special, which I'm going to have to watch because he's amazing.
Veronica: Drama writers, here's a little tip for you-- every time you do this whole robbing the cradle thing, it gets a little less scandalous. The only name in these paragraphs I care about is Kudokan, and he has nothing to do with the drama.

Source
 

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